The MotoGP paddock is still reeling after Joan Mir finally had a legitimate excuse for crashing. At the Motegi GP, the gravel-loving Majorcan was rammed by Alex Marquez. Sources close to the Spaniard say he is livid that his 100% record of falling off for no apparent reason has been destroyed.
What happened?
Joan Mir was minding his own business, moseying along in a rubbish position as he always does when he hasn’t fallen off yet, when he was hit by Alex Marquez’s #73 Gresini Ducati. Mir’s #36 “Your Company Name Here” Honda was rear-ended as vigorously as a young male singer at a party thrown by… [no need to bother finishing that sentence…]
Alex was penalized by the stewards panel under rule MGPCC4: “Riding like a total dick”.
Why is Mir angry?
The [checks Wikipedia] former MotoGP champion is furious because he has fallen off of his own accord in every single race and practise session this year, and was hoping to keep this perfect record all the way to Valencia.
When asked if he was deliberately crashing, Mir said, “No, of course not! There’s no need to deliberately crash the Honda RC213V. You just stop being hyper-focused for a couple of seconds and the bloody thing fires you at the scenery, even if you’re going in a straight line! I normally just wait until 2 or 3 laps into the race, pick a nice slow corner and stop concentrating for a moment. Before I know it, I’m blissfully lying in a gravel trap surrounded by race marshals”.
When asked if this wasn’t a tad dangerous, Mir replied, “It’s a damn sight safer than trying to ride that pile of cack for 25 laps, who the hell knows what might happen? You could end up like Crutchlow with his 40% titanium skeleton! I’d rather get the race over and done with in a nice 40mph, lap 2 lowside than wobble around in 18th all day like my team-mate Luca ‘backmarker in Italian Superstock if his brother wasn’t famous’ Marini”.
What does Alex Marquez think?
He’s equally angry because he was handed a long-lap penalty to be served in Australia for the incident. In a post-race interview, the younger and more rubbish Marquez brother fumed, “Where’s the consistency? I torpedoed Pecco in exactly the same way at Aragon and totally got away with it! The crashes were identical, right down to the way the bike gave my victim’s rear hoop such a solid rogering that it thought it was a party guest at that guy’s house, you know the one! Everyone knows Mir was gonna fall off in the next 7 or 8 corners anyway, so who cares if I gave him a bit of a helping hand?”
Conclusion
Mir is absolutely right to be angry. He didn’t even get rammed by the prestige Marquez brother. In the unlikely event that Joan had finished the race, he may have finished as high as 17th. In addition, the assault by Alex Marquez robbed Mir of the chance to fall off in the place of his choosing. Fortunately, the stewards panel have acted decisively to punish Marquez #73. He will have to run the gauntlet of the angry seagull colony that roosts in the long lap penalty lane at Philip Island.