At Silverstone Ducati racked up their seventh consecutive mind-numbing podium lockout. To add more despair to the situation every single race but one in this stinking season has been won by a Ducati GP24 machine. If MotoGP were a fruit it would somehow be a potato.
When will this putrid parade of conformity end? And how will it end? Who knows? But in an effort to keep our weighty eyelids energised we at MGPN have hastily knocked up a shortlist of the six top reasons, from most likely to least likely, that Ducati’s podium lockouts could end in Austria.
The special rear tyre
There’s a saying in France “when the going gets tough, the locals hide in a corner drinking coffee until the tough disappears thanks to someone else” – which was also the title of a less successful Billy Ocean song.
And this classic French philosophy carries over nicely to the Michelin tyre company. Why? Well the Red Bull Ring is basically three long, bendy straights linked to three corners with a layout that could have been based on a piece of dropped spaghetti. The uniquely primitive design results in high speeds and high loads on the tyres…and like in ’39 the standard French effort would fall to pieces under such pressure.
So a new special, red banded tyre (possibly made by the heroes at Dunlop) is in action in Austria…which may not favour the Ducati. But it probably will.
KTM test track
KTM have strong ties with Red Bull. There’s nothing the unruly youth of today love more than stealing a 125 Duke whilst on a sugar and caffeine high from their favourite energy drink. But fear not – it’s not their fault they have ADHD or Hamburgers or something conveniently brought on by drinking too much Red Bull and stealing KTM Dukes.
With such interwoven ties it stands to reason that the Austrian motorcycle firm would use the Red Bull Ring as their test track. And they do.
Apparently the microscopic Dani Pedrosa has completed so many laps around the track that he can now only turn right after getting out of bed on a morning.
All of which means that KTM should have some home advantage over the foreigners this weekend. But enough? Probably not.
Zarco vs Morbidelli Round 2
Let’s just hope this doesn’t happen.
Hitler protest
It’s comforting to know that the entire planet is going to shit and rapidly escalating to anarchy. Not content with several repulsive wars the rest of the world is politically splitting with a crack opening up bigger and more revolting than anything Lizzo can plonk on the table.
There’s never been a better time for some cheeky Neo Nazis to band together for some right-wing shenanigans. And what better place to start this than the spiritual home of mein führer himself?
If this does happen, and we see no reason why it wouldn’t, the mischievous supremacist organisation could choose to ‘detain’ any rider that’s not blonde haired and blue eyed…which could result in a famous default victory for Brad Binder.
Weather
It’s not just the humans on the planet that have become wild and irresponsible. The weather, not knowing if its pronouns are ‘wet/wetter’, ‘wind/windy’ or ‘annoy/annoying’, has decided to get in on the action by doing what the hell it wants when it wants. And if you don’t like it then it’s a hate crime. (Sadly, this could easily be a thing by the time this article is posted).
Notwithstanding it being the middle of summer there’s every chance that the weather could have been misgendered at the Naschmarkt so decides to rain tears of hate onto the poor sods at the Red Bull Ring.
Sadly the Ducati is, like everything else, also brilliant in the wet. However there’s always a mathematical chance of some awesome first corner mayhem (most likely caused by Morbidelli) that could conveniently take down the Ducati riders.
Yodelling
Now we all know that all Austrians love to yodel. It’s taught through schools in Austria along with the probable locations of the lost Nazi stolen gold. The origins of yodelling come from when the buxom pigtailed, Austrian wives would travel up into the mountains to carry down pails of milk. Often whilst the wives were up collecting the milk the husbands (who were a few steins in) would forget what time to put the schnitzels in the oven so developed the technique of yodelling as a way of communication.
We’re not sure how yodelling could negatively affect Ducati’s near perfect run but we’re clutching at straws here.