Fabio shocked us all last week by agreeing to voluntary extend his Yamaha sentence by another 2 years. ‘Why would he do that?’ we all asked.
The answer, predictably, was money. And a lot of it. Yamaha are rumoured to be paying Fab €24 million for two years along with substantial beret discount bonuses for finishing remotely near the top.
But how much is 24 million euros? Let’s find out with some real-world French examples…
Croissants
Currently the average price in France for a croissant from a bakery is €1.40. The price may, obviously, fluctuate slightly regarding how much the annoying French baker is up his own arse and believes he’s the centre of the universe. However at the average price of €1.40 portly Fabio could buy an astonishing 17,142, 855 croissants and still have enough change for a delicious foie gras shake.
So, given the reasonable assumption that Fabio would want to consume all the crescent shaped pastries over the course of his 2 years with Yamaha, the Frenchman would have to eat 23,483 of them per day! Bon Appetit!
More Croissants
Okay so maybe Quartarararo’s eyes could be bigger than his belly and instead of eating all the croissants what if the Yamaha rider decided to feed his countrymen? How would that fare?
Not very well I’m afraid! France eats an astonishing 50 million croissants per week – and that’s not even including sub-croissant varieties like pain au chocolats or those annoying ones with that worryingly weird yellow stuff inside.
If you were to lay France’s daily consumed croissants end-to-end the line of flaky pastry goodness would stretch from the top of the Eiffel Tower, down the Champs-Élysées, around the Paris inner ring road, past the place Diana croaked it and up to the Moulin Rouge with still a few baskets to spare…probably.
So sadly Fabio’s 17,142, 855 croissants would only feed 1.19% of France’s nation for one day…excluding any bulk discounts Quartararararo may obtain.
Accordion notes
Like all true Frenchmen Fabio probably plays the accordion. But what if he was to pay someone to play it?
Given the reasonable assumption that Quartararararo would pay one euro per note that means a musician would earn a respectable 32 euros per verse rendition of Frere Jacques – ignoring any unwanted flourishes or embellishments.
All this means that Fabio could sit back and enjoy 750k verses of France’s favourite accordion song. Furthermore with each verse lasting around 17 seconds that means the full glorious rendition would last over 41 days!!
Baths
The normal French adult endures four baths per year – known in France as ‘Nettoyage Saisonnier’. Thanks to the nation’s love of nuclear power a hot bath there only costs the ablutophobia suffering locals 0.15 euros. That means, staggeringly, that Fabio has enough funds to keep him fresh for 40 million years! That’s even longer than Jeremy McWilliams has been racing.
But what if the Yamaha rider wanted to spread his fortune? Well if he was to pay for every person’s bath in his hometown of Nice there would be enough funds to keep the odorous locals clean for 116 years! Worth kicking up a stink for!
Alain Prost 1993 contracts
Back in 1993 the miniature, bent-nosed F1 driver took out what at the time was the most complex and expensive contract known to mankind for his Williams drive. It’s rumoured that an entire indigenous tribe in the Brazilian rainforest lost their homes due to the deforestation needed for the paper of Alain’s contract.
However that contract, despite its complexities, was only worth 5 million euros. That means Fabio could buy four of Prost’s 1993 contracts with enough spare change to pay for an all-inclusive trip for Alain and his mates to fly to Brazil to pose smiling at the Senna memorial.