The 2024 season had some dependable predictabilities. We all knew Marc Marquez would knock off other Ducati riders. We also knew that Morbidelli would still be rubbish despite being on the best bike on the grid. But above all we were all certain that Fabio Quartarararararo would flee Yamaha at the end of the season when his sentence expired.
No way would the likeable yet French rider suffer wasting his talents on the Yamaha for a second longer than necessary. Come 1st January 2025 we all ‘knew’ he’d be elsewhere.
Or did we? Amazingly the latter prediction has not come true with Fabio today signing up for another two years with Yamaha.
But why? Why subject himself to the horror? We analyse the possible key motives…
Money
Fabio likes to wear very expensive clothes. We know they’re expensive because he looks a complete pillock – and the only reason a celebrity would publicly look so fundamentally ridiculous is if the garments were expensive. Poo-phobic Lewis Hamilton, unsurprisingly, takes this to its natural conclusion.
Also with the cost of butter going through the chateau roof it stands to reason that the price of Quartararararos favourite pastries will also be rising at a worrying rate.
So it’s understandable that if Yamaha offered the Frenchman a wheelbarrow full of Euros and shallots he’d be tempted to take it and retreat.
But would a MotoGP rider choose money over results? Of course! Take Luca Marini – he was willing to confirm to us how inadequate he is for MotoGP in favour of a big, oily sack of HRC cash. Money is awesome.
No free Ducati ride
It’s estimated that at any one MotoGP race there’s anywhere between 12 to 14 thousand Ducatis on the grid. But sadly for Quartararararo it already looks like all the Bolognese Bullets have been claimed for 2025. Even Morbidelli’s 2025 replacement has now been found in the guise of the fabled stoat-slayer Fermin Aldeguer.
So with no Ducatis available two more years on the Yamaha may seem a better option for Fabio than queuing up at the Centre Pompidou in the rain on a Tuesday morning to collect his unemployment onion allowance.
Pedro Acosta
But wait? What about KTM? Surely their bike is infinitely better than the Yamaha and KTM would be very keen to take the ex-champion?
It’s very true that the KTM is a superior machine than the sorry heap of seepage that Yamaha roll out each weekend. However the issue is the semi-stoat Pedro Acosta.
Acosta, who lives in a damp burrow on the outskirts of Andalusia, has so far this season been a sensation. So sensational, in fact, that he’s already put his teammate Augusto Fernández along with Jack Miller out of a ride for 2025.
Quartarararo clearly knows which side of his croissant is buttered and thus probably knows better than joining a manufacturer with the magnificent mustelid in it.
Yamaha V4 lies
The crafty Japanese have been lying to poor gullible Fabio for several years now. Each year they keep promising the foolhardy Frenchman a more powerful engine – only then to snigger at him from behind their noodles when he realises it’s just the same engine painted a different colour.
However even Quartararararo has learnt this trick by now. So it’s rumoured that Yamaha have promised the Frenchie that they will build him a V4 which will be very, very powerful. And definitely not rubbish. Obviously they won’t. Instead they’ll just use a Dremel to engrave the words “V quatre” on the engine block then laugh at poor Fab from behind their beansprouts when he realises the cunning trick.
Honda
If Fabio says he’s leaving Yamaha he may find there’s only a Honda ride left. Which absolutely no one wants.