Winners
Family Asparagus
Pol and Aleix are the loveable Spanish MotoGP brothers – and it was quite a weekend for their donkey meat loving family on home turf.
Firstly Aleix was on fire. Not the literal Aprilia RS Cube fire but his performance. Two straight wins in amazing style saw the elder brother jump to 5th in the championship…all whilst seeing the Aprilia, the bike he essentially built, dominate the weekend.
But probably the most impressive brother was actually young Pol. His results in Barcelona probably didn’t show it but Pol demonstrated over the weekend that he’s lost none of his pace after a crash earlier in the year that could have potentially ended his career – or even his life.
Compliments are difficult to write here at MGPN but credit where credit’s due – Pol’s return to MotoGP has shown bravery that very few of us possess.
Pecco Bagnaia’s bone density
After seeing Bagnaia’s horror crash everyone was quick to say ‘I really hope he’s okay”…all whilst secretly hoping he was ‘slightly not okay’ to make the championship more interesting. But of course no one dare actually say that.
Pecco’s crash was indeed horrific. Leading into the first corners the Spaniard spectacularly launched himself upwards only to return to earth, covered in snow, right in the middle of the racetrack. It’s worth noting that this isn’t the first time in recent history that Bagnaia’s crashed unaided in Spain – although instead of the police turning up to pull him out of a ditch it was Brad Binder running over his leg.
We all saw it. There was no way at minimum his leg wasn’t broken. No way a fully loaded MotoGP bike could run over a rider’s leg and not snap something really important.
But somehow he did. We all outwardly cheered that the championship leader escaped relatively unharmed whilst inwardly groaning that it would have been more interesting if he’d at least sprained something.
Miguel Oliveira
Miguel the Random Number Generator (MRNG) has proven he can have all kinds of random bad luck. Hit by flying bikes, attacked by a confused seagulls and accidentally sat next to Neil Hodgson in the press conference – the list of hideous incidents seems to never end for the unlucky Portuguese rider.
But despite this Miguel never gives up – and keeps coming back for more. A 6th in the sprint race and a 5th in the main race was a tremendous result for him and his team. Furthermore he did this on a bike that has a livery designed by someone that didn’t understand colours.
Maverick Vinales
Two years ago, after the Austrian GP, Maverick Vinales was booted out of Yamaha for over revving his bike and having an annoying father. Jump to the current day and now, the race after Austria, Top Gun is at the top gunning for race wins…all whilst the Yamaha bike he was sacked from fails in an unimpressive heap.
Losers
Maverick Vinales
Still didn’t quite win though did he? C’mon Mav – you can do it!
Enea Bastianini’s bone density
Poor Bastianini’s bones have medically been likened to 3mm porcelain. On out of place sneeze or a glancing blow from a carelessly discarded crisp packet blowing in the wind and the Italian’s fragile skeleton structure crumbles.
So whilst his teammate was dismissing having his leg run over by a marauding South African the brittle Enea was having his leg and ankle operated on having smashed them in a far less serious looking spill.
The outgoing factory Ducati rider now looks set to miss the next three races because of this latest crash.
Fabio Quartarararararo
You’ve got to feel sorry for poor Fabio. Despite being French. Two years ago his teammate was kicked out of the team and now rides for Aprilia and is battling for race wins. Meanwhile his current teammate, Morbidelli, is just awful – but looks like he’s landed himself a factory Ducati ride next season because he shares a bed at Rossi’s Neverland Ranch.
Quartararararo won this race last year. He certainly didn’t this year.
Japan
The sun looks to be setting on the land of the rising sun at Catalunya as the Jap bikes were all polluting the arse end of the grid like an unwanted batch of excrement sucking limpets. The Honda and Yamaha riders were never, at any point, looking anything but woeful.
So badly have the noodles fallen that Dorna are in talks to bring back concessions to help out the oriental disaster. However unless the concessions involve giving Yamaha a Ducati engine and Honda someone who can build a bike that’s not haunted it might prove as useless as a left-handed octopus.
Jack Miller
KTM’s five-into-four MotoGP problem remains…however there’s a new contender to be left standing when the “Land der Berge, Land am Strome” music stops. Jack Miller.
The novelty of Jack’s cheeky chap persona may be wearing rather thin at KTM as he continues to deliver forgettable performances…all whilst his teammate is pushing for podiums. Ditching Miller could be a cunning move as it would allow for the highly rated and part stoat Pedro Acosta to weasel himself straight onto a factory bike. A sponsorship field day!
Joan Mir
I can’t really remember what happened to him in the race but I’m certain it was disappointing.