Time zones are rubbish. Why can’t we just have everything at one time? Life would be much easier. But because of time zones many of us fans who live in sensible countries were forced to chip our aging bodies out of bed at the crack of sparrows to watch the MotoGP race. 45 minutes later those of us who were not asleep/dead were left questioning our life choices.
The Japanese GP was phenomenally dull. Duller than a white pencil on an overcast Tuesday. But why? What elements collided, safely and uninterestingly, to ensure what we had to endure was so boring?
Let’s find out together…
Tyre pressures
Probably the worst race in what could be the worst season. Nothing happened. And nothing ever looked like it would happen and the finger of blame points towards Michelin’s awful front tyre.
- Japanese dull rating: Second-hand Nissan Leaf
The none-existent battles
The two main rivals are fighting out the championship on points which looks likely to go down to the wire. But where’s the gladiatorial battles for the prestige MotoGP title between the proven champion warrior Pecco Bagnaia and the feisty upstart Jorge Martin? Nowhere. It might as well be up your arse for all we’ll get to see of it.
The pairing never fight on or off the track. Ever. What’s the point? It’s so monotonous knowing that the two top riders in the world aren’t trying to break each other’s kneecaps.
- Japanese dull rating: Boiled noodles
Enea Bastianini
In the sprint race Enea, who’s real name is Eric, was sitting in a comfortable second place behind Bagnaia. Life was good for the loafing Italian as he chewed on the proverbial salsiccia in a carefree manner. Then, with only a couple of laps remaining, an annoyance in the form of Marc Marquez started to hunt him down and upset Bastianini’s ‘rocking chair on the porch’ moment.
And here’s where it gets weirdly frustrating. After a few passes/re-passes between the pairing (which pathetically ended up being the highlight of the weekend) ‘La Bastard’ upped his pace on the last lap to leave Marc and his parts-bin Ducati in his wake. This burst of speed saw the lazy Italian catch Bagnaia in front of him which begs the question – WHY DIDN’T HE DO THIS EARLIER?
- Japanese dull rating: The Fukushima visitor’s centre
Marquez penalty
At MGPN we’re not pro or anti Marc Marquez. We are, however, pro-punch up. If something can cause a bit of a ruckus and ruffle a few feathers then we’re all for it. Even better if it causes tears on the internet.
For that reason we fully believe that Marc’s penalty for touching the green paint, that cost him pole, should have been overturned. It was so marginal that it would have been utterly believable and having the most dangerous rider on the grid at the front of the race could have injected some adrenalin into the otherwise dead carcass of an event.
But no. His lap was cancelled and yet again the Spanish Antichrist was forced to start on the third row…then fight his way towards the front…but not quite catch the leaders.
- Japanese dull rating: Brown Honda Deauville
GP23 tune down
Mysteriously all the Ducati GP23 machines received a ‘downgrade’ in Japan. Sadly an NDA signed in neat bolognaise juice by every team that had a GP23 meant that no one could actually say anything. But by all accounts the power had been noticeably dropped and the operating system downgraded to Windows Vista. Even Franco Morbidelli, renowned for being less useful than my unfinished GeoCities webpage, can now beat the GP23 riders on his superior bike.
Why? Who knows. The smart money is to stop any rider (i.e. Marc Marquez) interfering with Ducati’s interfering of the championship.
- Japanese dull rating: Cherry blossom
Pedro Acosta
The super stoat Pedro Acosta himself isn’t boring. Any none-Ducati rider that can claim pole then scuttle up Pit Beirer’s trouser leg in search of nesting voles is okay in our books.
What was boring, however, was that Acosta looked like being the only rider that was willing to take the fight to Pecco…but ended up falling off in both races.
- Japanese dull rating: The life of a manga comic fan
Japanese MotoGP bikes
Where better for the oriental MotoGP manufacturers to dishonour their brand and their dead ancestors than in their own backyard of the House of the Rising Noodle. A fabulously abhorrent team performance by both Honda and Yamaha saw their riders limp around filling six of the last seven positions of the finishers. Luckily Joan Mir knew better and didn’t manage a single lap in either race before falling.
With no progress in sight this trend may last longer than the Yamato dynasty.
- Japanese dull rating: Japanese MotoGP bikes