A three-horse race
A three-horse race is markedly better than a two-horse race…especially if the two horses have the same trainer and wants one to win more than the other. What the MotoGP championship needed was a third wheel to trundle into the dull yo-yo Bagnaia vs Martin snoozefest. And before the main race we had two riders wanting to be the one rider to join the two riders at the top.
First up we had the lazy Enea Bastianini. ‘The Bastard’ is known for great tyre management which often gives him an advantage towards the end of a race. The Italian achieves this by not trying very hard in the first half of a race. Trying is a ‘them’ problem.
At Lombok Bastianini, after his first half nap, was chasing down the leaders knowing that he needed to win to promote himself into a true championship contender and endorse the theory that ‘trying hard’ is not necessary even if you’re not Mexican. However after far too many laps of actually putting in some effort a vital organ kicked in and released a fresh batch of gamma-aminobutyric acid. The result was Enea’s neurotransmitters stopped him concentrating and he fell off.
The second potential third wheel was the Spanish Antichrist Marc Marquez. The Satellite Ducati rider had been making inroads into the championship lead after his Aragon success – a success that coincided with a surge of amitriptyline usage in Italy. To the neutral MotoGP fan, of which there are about six left on the planet, the prospect of adding the most chaotic and potentially dangerous element into the mix was causing us to drool more than Stephen Hawkins at a strip club…and Luigi Dall’Igna knew this.
It was therefore very convenient that Marc’s bike combusted just as he started to put in his personal fastest laps and chase down the leaders. And the fact there was a bunch of dry grass and twigs soaked in paraffin stuffed into his fairing was purely coincidental.
The fire ended Marquez’s race and, effectively, his championship much to the combined delight of Italy.
Wanting a deserved champion
Some seasons the MotoGP champion really deserves to win. Other times they don’t – like that weird Covid year when Joan Mir apparently won (according to Wikipedia). This season is drifting into column B.
The two championship contenders can’t decide who should win. One takes a command in the points only to fall off and hand it back to the other. This time it was Jorge Martin’s turn to fall off whilst leading on the opening lap of the sprint race. DO either of the two riders deserve the title?
Plump journalists that like to block people on Twitter
Imagine if you were a MotoGP journalist that was so pompous and self-righteous that if anyone dared to have a different opinion to yours on Twitter you’d block them rather than debate the discrepancies. If you were like that you’d probably also be fat.
Well the bad news is that the weird millionaire and X owner Elon Musk has had enough of these blocking tactics and is turning off the feature in the near future. That’s going to cause some tears between meals…
Factory KTM riders
Both factory KTM riders left Indonesia (which probably isn’t a real place) having been humiliated by the performances of the super stoat Pedro Acosta on the B-stock RC16. Whilst the other KTM riders complained and whined about their bike’s performance all weekend the young mustelid qualified on the front row and managed a second place in the main race.
Acosta, who grew up in a burrow near a watercourse, hoarded an impressive 24 points over the weekend at Mandalika whereas Brad Binder could only manage 8 and Jack Miller a big, fat zero.
Bali
Ruined by Australian tourists. Lombok, next door, not only has a MotoGP circuit but is infinitely less of a dump.
Aleix Espargaró
The aging Spaniard proved that experience is ‘just a number’ by falling off about 50 times over the weekend.
Miguel Oliveira’s luck
Poor Miguel has the worst luck. When a black cat crosses his path it’s also usually dragging his Wi-Fi router with it. He’s the kind of guy to get hit by a car in Venice.
And so his luck continued when his “Make Aprilia Great Again” Trackhouse Aprilia had a software bug whilst in free practice. For every other rider a ‘software bug’ would probably cause their bike’s LCD screen to flicker or a false warning light to appear but not for poor Oliveira. For him the bug, which had never happened to any other rider before or after, switched off his traction control system causing the Aprilia rider to get hurled off his machine. Luckily the crash was slow, but unluckily the luck was that of the unlucky Miguel Oliveira who, has luck would have it, fell unluckily and broke his wrist.
The final insult for the unfortunate Portuguese rider was that there was no salted cod on the hospital menu.
All this has happened at the busiest time of the season meaning Miguel will miss the most races. How’s that for lottery loser?