It’s with heavy, tired hearts that we once again begin preparation for the next unenthralling race at Misano that’s destined to be bogged down with tyre pressure issues, a stupid layout and the fact it’s a rerun of two weeks ago.
But can a recent media outburst from Valentino Rossi spice things up and stop us from drifting off into a more-interesting coma? Let’s find out…
God, Misano’s a terrible track. How come?
It’s universally accepted that Misano is the worst track on the GP calendar. It once was an average track that was ‘a bit narrow’. Then they reversed the direction and made it absolutely dogshit.
Why would they do that?
After Wayne Rainey’s career ending crash at Misano Dorna, who at the time were new to GP racing, publicly stated that GP racing would never, under any circumstances, return to this track. Never. Ever.
But a few years later Rossi mania hit and Dorna, keen to cash in on the phenomena of a load of new, glory-seeking fans, thought Misano would be a great place to run a race. But how would they get around their previous statement? Easy! Run the race the opposite direction and tell everyone that it’s a completely different track….so different that it’s actually opposite meaning if Rainey fell off now he’d probably be able to walk again.
Isn’t that a stupid idea?
Obviously taking the track and running it the opposite way around comprehensively reduced it from an average circuit to an utterly terrible one. Luckily the hoards of fans didn’t mind – they weren’t interested in the racing just Rossi.
And tyre pressures?
Yes, for some reason this circuit is an F1 fan’s wet dream as following another rider is impossible because of tyre pressures.
So, all things considered, Misano is awful. What could make it worse?
Running a second race there of course! And that’s just what’s happening.
OMG! A second race?
Yes. This allows all the teams to use the data from the previous race, two weeks ago, ensuring any surprises will be skilfully removed. This should allow for even more boring, follow-my-leader racing.
I think I’ll jump off a bridge. How could this ever be saved?
Valentino Rossi!
Wait, what? How can the Michael Jackson of MotoGP make the upcoming race more interesting?
Hatred!
Oh…explain…
This week Rossi, 76, has once again gone on the attack against his despised nemesis Marc Marquez. In a long, and somewhat boring rant, the elderly Italian has proven that he’s still not over the events of 2015 that happened almost a decade ago.
Here’s some highlights from his latest outburst:
- “I heard them, especially [Marc Marquez’s manager Emilio] Alzamora, going around the paddock saying that ‘now that we [Marquez] are not winning the title, he [Rossi] won’t win it either’.”
- “Marquez was so superior that he did the [whole] race fighting with me. He made me lose and then he also won,”
- “If they thought I had deliberately dropped Marquez they should have made me do it, instead they didn’t and made up the last starting position in Valencia. They cut my legs off, I had lost the world championship.”
- “There was Marquez with his head down. I told him that by doing this he was going to carry it for the rest of his career, because it’s disgusting for the sport to make someone else lose.”
- “The moment they told me I would start last, he actually raised his head, looked at Alzamora and smiled, nodding as if to say ‘we did it’.”
- “Usually those who did certain things did it for themselves, they were dirty to gain their own advantage, because they wanted to win.
- “Nobody has been as dirty as him.”
Jesus Christ, what a baby. But why is he saying all that now?
Alas the once-respected Italian has seen this season the very real threat that Marquez could win one, or more, championships and jump above him in the all-time greats list. ‘The Dentist’ has therefore instigated another smear campaign to attempt to fire up animosity against the Spaniard.
But how will this help the race? How will this stop me from being bored to death and contemplate my life choices?
Hatred!
Oh…that again?
Yes!
Firstly the crowd, which is 98% yellow, will continue to boo and yell abuse at the Spanish Antichrist…and his brother. Rossi’s hoping that over the weekend this will get inside Marc’s helmet and cause him to do something daft like ram a rider off…which of course would be totally out of character.
Then there’s the VR46 Neverland Academy riders…
You’re suggesting Bagnaia might actually do something interesting and deliberately knock off a Marquez brother?
No. It would appear that Pecco is above such nonsense. However some of the ‘going nowhere ever’ riders such as Marco Bezzecchi or Franky Morbidelli may choose the ultimate sacrifice and take out themselves and Marc in order to please their god.
All sounds a bit weird. What about Luca Marini?
He’ll probably have a headache to avoid riding the Honda.
So basically this is Rossi’s attempt to use mind-games to defeat Marquez? Will this work?
2015 says no…