Sunday night, somewhere in Italy…
Alessandro sped home from the MotoGP event, his heart still pounding with the thrill of victory. He’d never seen the Tuscan hills blur past so quickly. As he approached his village, the familiar scents of olive trees and wild herbs welcomed him back.
He parked his bike and sprinted up the worn stone steps of their small, sun-drenched cottage. Bursting through the door, he was greeted by the sight of his mother, Nonna Maria, standing over the stove. The years had etched fine lines into her olive skin, and her silver hair was tied back in a neat bun. She still harboured the bruises from where Papa has expressed his dislike for her ragu a few days ago.
Despite her age and terrible teeth, her eyes sparkled with the same warmth and vitality Alessandro had known all his life.
“Good day at Mugello Alessandro?” she asked, turning with a wide smile as he entered. Her voice was as comforting as a soft breeze on a hot summer’s day.
“Oh sweet mother it was the best!” replied Alessandro as he rushed to her, lifting her gently off the ground in a bear hug. “Pecco won both races! And Jorge Martin fell off in one race meaning Pecco has nearly caught up in the championship!”
Tears of joy filled Nonna Maria’s eyes as she cupped his face in her hands. “Sounds fantastico!”
“It was! And Marc Marq…”
Suddenly the mood changed as a hue of fury filled the old bag’s face.
“DO NOT SPEAK THE DEVIL’S NAME IN THIS HOUSE!!” she yelled scaring the stray cat that has sneaked into the kitchen. Maria waved her arms around in typical Italian style as if this somehow magically made her point more pertinent.
“Sorry madra. I…I…” sobbed Alessandro.
However, seeing her pathetic son almost in tears, Nonna dropped the ‘angry old boot’ routine.
“Now go get your best white linen on, dinner is nearly ready” she said with a smile.
“Oh superbo! Please tell me it’s some form of carbohydrate covered in tomato sauce and topped with cheese?”
“Of course dear!” Nonna chuckled “Just like every Italian meal always is. Now hurry up to your room and we can have ‘modestly disturbingly ‘ mother-son cuddles later on.”
“Despite being 35 this still feels acceptable” he responded as he walked off.
In that simple kitchen, with the warmth of home and the worrying bond between Italian mother and son, Alessandro felt like the luckiest boy in the world.
Until the next day…
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
So what’s happened?
Marc Marquez to Factory Ducati
Before the weekend the plan at Ducati was fairly straightforward. Jorge Martin would be promoted to the factory team and Marquez would be dumped into Primark Ducati and ride a full spec Desmosedici. Everyone’s happy.
But Marquez wasn’t. At the press conference on Thursday he spoke up and said, straight faced and without his trademark sinister Joker smile, that he would not be joining Primark. He wasn’t keen on swapping to another satellite team and thought that the childlike artwork last weekend was rubbish.
This sent the media into overdrive. Would Gresini now get a factory bike? Or was Marc set to join KTM?
And with that everything became a sticky mess causing Luigi Dall’Igna to go grey and Pit Beirer to jump around with excitement…all figuratively speaking.
The least probable answer, however, was that Ducati were to bin off Jorge Martin and welcome in Marquez – especially given Martin’s leading the championship and all of Italy hates Marc. But that’s exactly what happened.
And none of the ‘expert’ journalists saw it coming.
Jorge Martin to Aprilia
Poor Jorge thought he had it in the bag…
“On the eve of the Italian Grand Prix, a senior factory executive welcomed the rider and they shook hands, thanking the championship leader for his patience and perseverance over the last few years to get here.”
A handshake’s worth everything…unless it’s with Ducati.
‘The Depreciator” felt sure his continuous passive-aggressive threats to ‘ride for a factory team next season’ had got through to the top fettuccine at Ducati and that his promotion was guaranteed. What the cocky Spaniard didn’t know, though, was that this was subject to the Antichrist taking his place at Primark. And Marquez wasn’t going along with that.
Once Ducati’s colon fell out and they panic-signed Marc a furious Jorge Martin rang up Aprilia to secure a ride with them next season. Jorge insists the decision wasn’t ‘made out of anger’…although it was done whilst very angry.
Pecco Bagnaia to be 2024 world champion
All bets are now off as Bagnaia is set to be the 2024 world champion. With Martin moving manufacturers there’s absolutely no way that Ducati will allow him to win the world championship.
Instead it will be a full ‘wind down’ on the Bluetooth dial to ensure the Spaniard’s Primark Ducati is mysteriously reduced to ‘limp mode’ and ruling him out of future success. And failing that they could slip Michelin a few extra croissants to ensure Jorge once again is conveniently supplied with a duff rear tyre.
If you’d have told Pecco last week that’s he was guaranteed to be the world champion he’d have been celebrating hard with even more drinks at the afterparty before his perilous drive home…but it’s come at a cost…
Having Marquez, the decent one – not Ralf, as his teammate will be the ultimate test and probably one that Baggers didn’t really want.
Enea Bastianini to KTM
The outgoing Italian, who has a name I still can’t spell, was all set to join Aprilia next season. Team owner Massimo Rivola, whose name literally translates to ‘huge pasta meat pie’, even said pre-shenanigans that he was looking forward to finally having an Italian factory rider – or ‘I hate Spaniards’.
But all that fell out of the window like a Russian war objector when Jorge Martin became a free agent and was snapped up by Aprilia. This meant, confusingly, that Bastianini had somehow lost two factory rides for 2025 to just one rider.
Enea’s third option seemingly was factory KTM. And providing Jorge can’t figure a way to kick him out of there too that’s where he’s now heading.
Tech 3 booted out of KTM
But wait? How can Bastianini be joining KTM as a factory rider when they already have Pedro Acosta and Brad Binder signed? Well it’s not just Ducati who can be more devious than a well-oiled fox – KTM can be underhand as well. And it’s worth remembering that Austria has been known to generate a few ‘lovable rogues’ over the years.
To accommodate ‘The Bastard’ it appears that KTM are set to bin-off the Tech 3 team and use their grid allocation to instead run four factory bikes in KTM colours.
What a mess. But at least that’s all sorted out? Not quite…
Gresini to Yamaha
Yamaha have announced that they’ll run a satellite team in 2025 – which now looks likely to be Gresini. Currently the team runs the relic Ducati but, if Marc Marquez had stayed, would have received a shiny factory GP25 for 2025. The sponsorship deals alone of having the most hated rider on the grid on their bike would easily cover the costs.
However with Marc now heading to team red Gresini have very few possibilities of winning a race next season – so they might as well switch to Yamaha and not-win on a far cheaper machine.