It’s the news that none of us are bothered for but we thought we’d report on it anyway – one race we don’t care about has been replaced with another one we don’t care about. That’s right – the Indian GP will be replaced with the Kazakhstan GP.
Let’s find out together the forgettable implications.
I read on Wikipedia there has already been a race in India. Is this true? I have no recollection.
Apparently there was a MotoGP race only last year in India. However the only part anyone can remember is the VISA issues the riders all had before they had even come into contact with the campylobacter jejuni bacteria.
Who won?
No idea.
Why did Dorna want a race here?
It’s all about looking to do the right thing. MotoGP, like all major events, needs to virtual signal out of their arses ‘till their faces are as blue as the hair of the folk they’re trying to appease. Obviously no one wanted a race in India but it looks good for Dorna to be bringing the sport to the slums.
And it’s good to promote MotoGP’s green credentials too?
Indeed. Nothing says “we care about the planet that’s why we’re using 20% vegan fuel” than travelling halfway across the globe to race near New Delhi – which holds the spectacular honour of being the most polluted city on the planet.
Did India fall in love with MotoGP?
Of course not. The Indians couldn’t care less. As a nation Indians are obsessed with cricket as the five-day format with numerous lengthy breaks allows the workforce to get in plenty of telephone scams without missing a goal…or whatever cricket does.
So what’s happened?
Rather predictably the promoter Fairstreet Sports hasn’t actually coughed up any of the money owed to Dorna. Instead they insisted on Dorna buying giftcards from their local Wallmart to payback an over payment due to a bitcoin error when entering too many zeros filling out a fake Google form.
Because of this Dorna have taken the race away from India much to the relief of everyone.
But…Kazakhstan? Is that even a real place?
We’re not sure. But what we do know is that if a country ends with ‘stan’ then chances are you’ll not want to ever visit there.
So has Kazakhstan got a race circuit?
Apparently yes, but no one has actually ever seen it. Luckily to alleviate any of Dorna’s worries that this wasn’t all just made up the Kazakhstan authorities were able to send a true and honest drone photograph of the track – shown below:
Phew! That’s a relief. I thought for a moment this might have all been a massive tax-avoidance scam. But isn’t Kazakhstan in bed with the commies?
Kazakhstan and Russia are both founding members of the Shanghai Cooperation Organisation (see – we can do facts!) and were great chums with many Ruskies leaving the motherland to live in Kazakhstan…which gives you some idea how bad it must have been. But since the invasion of Ukraine, which demonstrated to the world that Russia’s all talk and no haircut, the Kazakhstan people have started to turn against their vodka-infused neighbours and are up for a punch up should the time come.
Are Kazakhstan folk excited about MotoGP?
No of course not. The locals much prefer their two national sports Kazaksha Kures (wrestling half-naked in a freezing wasteland in front of an oddly dress woman) and Kokpar (fighting on horseback over who can get the biggest bit of a dead wolf’s carcass).
So in short, summing it all up, MotoGP has taken away a race in a stupid location that no one was interested in and replaced it with one in a stupid location that no one is interested in?
Welcome to MotoGP.