Who doesn’t love an April Fool’s jape? Maybe you told your kids that Santa is dead? Maybe you rang your parents to tell them you think you’re now Scottish? Or maybe you sadistically murdered your neighbour’s first born? Whatever the method an April Fool’s joke is always a great way to get a cheap laugh.
But what’s not funny is when something you think was a joke turns out to be a reality. And that’s exactly what happened to all us MotoGP fans.
On April 1st it was announced that Liberty Media will acquire 86% of MotoGP. And this, sadly, wasn’t a joke. But don’t look shocked – we literally broke this story months ago. Click Here
It’s bad news for all concerned and as a community we all mourned the grim news.
Well not everyone! Step forward the forward-thinking Sebastian Piffleton who’s here to tell you that you’re wrong about Liberty Media…and he definitely doesn’t have an alternate motive*…
I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. I asked all my many, many followers on X to name just one thing that Liberty Media have done to ruin Formula One. And could they name one? Of course not. Well actually they named hundreds of legitimate reasons but luckily I was able to tell them that they were wrong and/or block them. Saying something I don’t like is the literal definition of a hate crime – and you can bet as soon as the progressive new laws in Scotland reach me I’ll be grassing up everyone.
I really don’t see how disagreeing with me and stating one of the hundreds of reasons to why the Liberty Media takeover is a fundamentally terrible outcome is acceptable these days. Clearly these people are toxic white males who think they can say what they want – the very people myself and Sweet Baby Inc are fighting against.
Why should we sit back and allow this so called ‘free speech’ against our new evil overlords Liberty Media? Free speech is exactly how Nazi Germany started out. I think free speech is just a way for right wing extremists to spread hate about the things they’re scared of – like powerful women of colour or smashed avocado salads.
I mean are there any black women of colour in your family? If not, why not? Are you happy pedalling the white supremist agenda and cultural appropriation? Maybe it’s time to look inwards before criticising others – like my old friends Liberty Media.
I, like all humans (even the unevolved white ones), need to eat. Being such a strong progressive, self-righteous twat requires a lot of mental energy which in turn requires roughly nine meals a day. So obviously I was allowed by Dorna the free buffet pass on race weekend to fuel my brilliance. I fully expect that Liberty Media, who I think have done an excellent job with Formula One (even though I’ve never watched it), will grant me the same culinary access.
Now I understand most, if not all, of you struggle to understand the finer nuances of my slam poetry. And I’ll be the first to admit that it rests on a higher level than my usual journalistic work that is primarily aimed at you – the commoner. However I ask you to read through my work and try to take out something to make you a better person.
In leather jacket snug, with pen in hand,
A MotoGP journalist, not quite light, but grand.
Among the roaring engines, I stand tall,
Though my love for buffets might surprise them all.
Liberty Media, with their grand display,
Not just for races, but for feasts they lay.
With plates piled high, my heart does soar,
For in their lunches, I find much more.
Through twists and turns, I navigate each dish,
Fueling both body and mind, my greatest wish.
For in the world of speed, where stories whirl,
Liberty’s buffet, my hungry heart unfurls.
Yet on Twitter’s track, I take a stance,
Blocking those who clash, with each glance.
For in this realm of differing views
Silencing them is the best muse.
Seb P
*And will block you on Twitter if you suggest it.
Sebastian Piffleton is a completely fictional MotoGP journalist. When he’s not lording it up at MotoGP races he likes to spend his time virtue signalling and scanning the internet for things to pretend to be offended by. Sebastian has no motorcycle racing experience but acts like he does.