Lots of things are utterly pointless. Like, for example, the bucket of sand at the petrol station in case of a fire. Because if a petrol station bursts into flames half a bucket of wet sand with a discarded Mars bar wrapper in it is going to make all the difference.
But when it comes closer to home 2024 has a couple of pointless offerings – MotoE and the new FIM Women’s World Championship.
MotoE has dominated the pointless scene in recent years but has it finally met its match with the introduction of the female only championship? We find out…
Relevance
MotoE
Electric motorcycles are not the future. Nor will they ever be. The excessive battery weight is too great to make a decent handling bike. If you reduce the size of the battery then you can only make it to the end of the street before it runs out of electrons. It’s a lose-lose situation – like misplacing the TV remote when James Corden comes on.
“Ah yes but batteries are getting lighter all the time” the blue-haired vegans will argue between mouthfuls of tofu. Sorry guys – that’s not the case and physics state that this will never be.
Pointless Paris rating:
FIM Women’s World Championship
In the latest global fan survey by Dorna it was revealed that just 13% of the MotoGP audience is female. That means in reality the actual number is around 5% after the ‘woke multiplier’ has been removed. But what does that mean? The 5% female viewers feel misrepresented? Or that it’s only 5% because women are only interested in seeing other women race?
Of course not. We all watch motorcycle racing because we want to see great action. No one cares what any rider looks like – hence Kurtis Roberts’ career.
Pointless Paris rating:
Cost
MotoE
Ducati will provide the 2024 MotoE bikes…which is bad news for anyone that’s not really rich. Although no price has been officially stated it’s likely that it will cost upwards of €100K for the season.
That’s a lot of money to have your name on an unread Wikipedia page.
Pointless Paris rating:
FIM Women’s World Championship
The women’s championship costs €25k per season. For that each rider gets a fully kitted out bike, Pirelli tyres, fuel, servicing, paddock access, access to the tampon machine and a bloke to help them reverse park the bike into the pit garage without knocking loads of stuff over. That’s actually tremendous value for money.
But it doesn’t stop there. Because there are currently more women than men on the planet this, according to our maths, means females are clearly a minority group and thus will no doubt qualify for some kind of grant money in many countries.
Pointless Paris rating:
Pointless virtue signalling nobheads
MotoE
“Going green” is a great way to virtue signal. Who doesn’t love having their ear chewed off by some bloke in a cardigan telling you how he’s saving the planet by driving a Tesla built on the bones of a load of African child workers?
So having electric bikes is a great way to prove wokeness. Clean air is the way forward for a better world…well until the inefficient diesel generators are all turned on to charge the bikes back up after they’ve done three laps.
Pointless Paris rating:
FIM Women’s World Championship
Watch any new film and you’ll know that women, especially ones of colour, are better than men in every aspect. They can even have penises these days too. And if you’re male and you don’t watch these films then you’re clearly sexist. And maybe even Welsh.
Having a women’s only series is a great way to stick it to the white patriarchy. It will prove, with every podium being completely female, that the era of the male is over. Unless they identify as a female…which could get confusing.
Pointless Paris rating:
Viewers
MotoE
Nobody has ever watched a MotoE race from start to finish – despite the races only lasting for about four laps before the batteries need replacing. The lack of sound means most people trackside don’t even realise the race is happening believing the noise they can hear is a drone or a fridge being opened.
MotoE is probably shown on TV. But no one actually knows as no one is particularly interested.
Pointless Paris rating:
FIM Women’s World Championship
As viewing figures are not yet know we can only predict the outcome using the comical W Series as guidance.
The W Series was Formula 1’s attempt to introduce a championship for female drivers only believing that they had been victimised by only being given the exact same chances as male drivers. Starting in 2019 the W-Series was run for three seasons and was deemed an absolute failure in every single aspect. After three seasons the company owners went into administration owing £23 million to 151 creditors.
Now we can’t say with utter certainty that this will be the fate of the FIM Women’s World Championship. But it will.
Pointless Paris rating:
Lack of talent
MotoE
In MotoE’s first year in 2019 a few retired ‘semi-stars’ like Randy de Puniet and Sete Gibernau came out to try to win the championship in the desperate hope that MotoE ‘was the future’ and this would be a great career move. Of course it wasn’t.
Since then the series has mainly consisted of test riders who can’t land a regular championship ride. However in 2024 MotoE will be blessed with the ‘almost famous’ journeyman Chaz Davies which could draw a micron of attention to the sport.
Pointless Paris rating:
FIM Women’s World Championship
Although not confirmed it’s likely that Ana Carrasco will ride in the series and be the favourite to win. Ana has spent the last two seasons chasing last place against Josh Watley and Mario Aji in the Moto3 championship – scoring no points and finishing last of the full-time riders.
The main issue with the riders is that because they’ll be plucked from a tiny demography the skillset will vary wildly resulting in incredibly boring, and spread-out races.
Pointless Paris rating:
Final Results:
19/25: MotoE
18/25: FIM Women’s World Championship
It’s official! Despite a great effort from the highly irrelevant FIM Women’s World Championship it’s still MotoE that holds the crown for being the most pointless.