Since as long as anyone can remember America has bombed people in other countries for one reason or another. Pre-90s no one really cared and being American was cool. Parading the American flag, drinking Coke from a glass bottle, Baywatch and being obese to the point of coronary failure was seen by all as the pinnacle of awesomeness. But that was to change.
Thanks to the internet and pesky liberals we were fed the narrative that maybe the ‘Good ol’ boys in red, white and blue’ weren’t actually the heroes. Slowly but surely it became cool to hate Americans to the point where Americans themselves would pretend to be Canadians when abroad.
The once proud nation has been reduced to cowering in the corner like a Frenchman hearing unscheduled fireworks…
Until now. Step forward Trackhouse Racing…
Whoah! What the hell is that?
This is the new Trackhouse Racing Aprilia. The most American looking thing since mac’n’cheese mated with an F-150.
But is it an Aprilia?
Yes. The outside is dripping in Uncle Sam’s juice but underneath the star-spangled glory is, thankfully, not a Harley Davidson. Like all truly great American products it’s actually not made in the USA but instead it’s a satellite Aprilia that used to belong to the RNF squad.
So what happened to team RNF?
RNF’s main shareholder was the scam company CrytoDATA who scammed Dorna into not actually paying for anything…a move that anyone who has Googled ‘Crypto scam’ could have seen coming a million miles away. After being blindsided by being scammed by a scam company Dorna kicked RNF out of MotoGP and allowed Trackside Racing to take over.
Who are they?
Trackhouse Racing are a NASCAR team that decided they wanted a piece of the MotoGP pumpkin pie. The team were expecting to get into MotoGP in 2025 but given the circumstances have been shoehorned in for next season.
NASCAR? Does that mean they’re rednecks?
Absolutely – the true beer drinking* Americans, not the pretentious type that will order an oat latte and get upset by pronouns. These Americans are proud of their country and their livery, which is infinitely better than RNF’s terrible attempt, punches you in the face to let you know.
Does that mean Colin Edwards will get involved?
Our favourite MotoGP redneck was booted off our screens a few years ago as the woke media decided his political views weren’t in keeping with what the blue-haired mob were yelling at them to do. So sadly Edwards was sent home to ride dirt bikes and shoot any Mexican immigrants near his property.
However this doesn’t mean ‘The Texan Windbag’ won’t be involved in the future.
Who’s this Pitbull musician? And what’s he got to do with it?
Firstly Pitbull is not a musician but a rapper who also calls himself ‘Mr Worldwide’ and ‘Mr 305’.
He sounds a bit of a moron?
He probably is. But he’s also part owner of the Trackside team – so we’ll let him off as long as he doesn’t feel the need to rap ever during a MotoGP weekend.
Will Trackhouse Racing keep RNF’s riders?
Yes. Both Miguel Oliveira and Raul Fernandez are contracted to Aprilia and will remain in the squad along with the rest of the team members. However the canteen staff have been told to ‘ditch the vitamins’ for 2024.
Rednecks sound awesome. Is there anywhere to watch a load of them get injured by driving children’s plastic jeeps down a dangerously steep and rocky path?
Yes, yes there is.
*But not Bud Light