Has Honda’s rubbish younger brother fetish spiralled completely out of control?
Background
The Repsol Honda team in MotoGP has been floundering around for a replacement rider after losing Marc Marquez. It has to be somebody really, really cheap and preferably pretty rubbish so they can be blamed for the bike’s shortcomings.
Choosing a replacement
There are major internal frictions within Honda management. The majority of executives at the Japanese Lawnmower behemoth are notoriously resistant to change. That is why HRC is believed to be sticking to its “Hiring all the rubbish brothers of good riders” strategy. The voices calling for hiring somebody who’s actually any good are believed to have been defeated in a boardroom battle and are now saying “glub glub” as they sink beneath the surface of Tokyo harbour.
Pattern of Behaviour
Honda’s MotoGP program has already chewed up and spat out the rubbish younger brothers of stars Marc Marquez and Aleix Asparagus. Both Alex Marquez and Pol Asparagus achieved absolutely nothing on the unrideable RC213V other than paying for new speedboats for their orthopaedic surgeons. Darryn Binder is believed to be next in line, and has the advantage that his “divebomb” overtaking style has made millionaires out of about 8 other riders’ orthopaedic surgeons as well as his own.
Who else might be in line for the seat?
Let’s look at the main contenders who fit Honda’s criteria.
One of the Lowes Twins
Sam and Alex would both be great candidates for the factory Honda seat. They’re both talented enough to have flashes of brilliance in testing or qualifying that almost make you believe they might achieve something. And they’re also rubbish enough to constantly lowside out of strong podium positions with about 3 or 4 laps remaining.
Likelihood of replacing #93
Minimal. Unfortunately the Lowes brothers are identical in every way. Even in their identical “flatter to deceive” qualifying performances and identical tendency to get injured through no fault of their own after getting hit by various nutters. This rules them out of Honda’s sights as it’s impossible to choose which is the rubbish brother.
Luca Marini
OK, now we’ve scraped all the way through the bottom of the barrel, through the concrete foundations of the building and half way to China. Valentino Rossi’s half-brother resides in the file labelled “Would be racing in World Endurance if his brother didn’t own a MotoGP team”.
Likelihood of replacing #93
Feasible. Somewhat in favour of the noodle-armed Italian is the fact that Marini has achieved virtually nothing on the Ducati. The Bolognese Bullet is so good that literally everyone with any talent whatsoever has won a race on it. Even Zarco, who will never, ever win a MotoGP race, has won a MotoGP race on the Ducati. But Marini has managed nothing more than a podium on a day when all that was needed to do so was a pulse and a Desmosedici. So if he was tooling around in 17th on the Repsol Honda, the team could blame him instead of their atrocious bike.
Conclusion
Darryn Binder is the perfect fit for the vacant Honda MotoGP seat. Firstly, he is the rubbish brother of the brilliant Brad Binder, which fits Honda’s M.O. for hiring riders. Secondly, he will have a similar carbon fibre repair bill to Marc Marquez, which will greatly simplify Honda’s logistics calculations.
If they settle for anyone else we’ll know that HRC are all out of ideas and therefore completely screwed.