Most classic video games could be improved by making them MotoGP relevant. They certainly couldn’t be any worse than watching the hideous aero-snoozefest that is modern MotoGP. In this article, we bring you a list of the top 7 MotoGP video games that don’t exist, but really, really should.
Super Danilo Kart
Everybody’s favourite Italian plumber Super Mario should be replaced by everyone’s favourite Italian racer Super Danilo Petrucci. Try to avoid banana skins dropped by other racers while collecting enough pasta dishes along the way to stop Danilo’s bodyweight wasting away to less than 90kg!
Angry Birds 89
The birds in the addictive phone game Angry Birds might seem pretty ticked off, but that’s nothing compared to how enraged the super-fast bowling ball Jorge Martin is at being denied a factory Ducati seat. Try to demolish Gigi’s constructions by hurling angry Spaniards at him, just like Jorge #89 launches himself at the scenery in real life.
Double Dragon: Revenge of the Binders
The Binder Brothers spend most of their time ramming other riders off the track, so why not continue that theme by having the “not all that aggressive by South African standards” fraternal twosome bludgeon the living daylights out of their rivals in a MotoGP update of the classic beat-em-up arcade game?
Tetris 93
As a factory Honda mechanic, you have to somehow fit the multiple mangled chassis of #93 Marc Marquez’s trashed RC213V bikes into the dumpster out the back of the Repsol garage. Just like Tetris. You’d better be quick though, because as soon as Free Practise 1 starts you’ll be run off your feet all weekend!
Out Run: Pecco Ibiza
Take command of Pecco’s car as you give a hot blonde a lift home from the nightclub, drunkenly swerving all over Ibiza’s public roads at speeds of up to 25 km/h. Do your best to negotiate those tricky, low-speed roundabouts and try not to land upside-down in a ditch this time!
Lemmings: Moto3
In the classic computer game, players had to somehow escort a crowd of Lemmings to safety despite their total lack of common sense. In this updated version, you play the role of Race Director in charge of the only animals with a less developed sense of self-preservation than Lemmings: Moto3 riders!
Super Hang-Off 93
The iconic motorcycle racing game Super Hang-On should be updated with a special Marc Marquez edition. Players battle to hit as many other riders as possible with an outrageous, elbow-down riding style. Unlock the special Sepang 2015 track by ramming 46 other riders in one race!
Conclusion
Modern MotoGP sucks so much that combining it with classic video games can only improve it. Dorna should take note.