Spanish Antichrist Marc Marquez and part-stoat Pedro ‘the new Marc Marquez’ Acosta are being lined up to ride for KTM in the LCR Team in 2024.
But could this really happen? It would appear so. So without further ado let’s find out who’ll be the winners and who’ll be the losers in this sensational development…
Winners
KTM
KTM’s MotoGP mission brief has always been to destroy Honda. This epic grudge dates back from 2017 when CEO Stefan Pierer claimed that Honda were continuously trying to cheat their way around regulations. He also probably thought the Civic was naff.
Fast forward six years and KTM are making the HRC laughingstock even funnier by comprehensively beating them in the riders, teams and constructors championships.
Currently KTM already have a strong factory line up, but a second team consisting of the hottest rider on the planet next to the most successful MotoGP rider would certainly widen the already huge gap between the rival manufacturers.
But, better still, if KTM could steal away Honda’s prize asset, Marc Marquez, it would be a final hefty boot in the already tender noodle for the evil Japanese lawnmower builders. Factory Honda would be nothing. And, given their dishonourable history, would probably quit MotoGP.
KTM again
A full factory LCR KTM team would also solve a headache that the energy drinking schnitzels over in Austria have been continuously scratching their lederhosens over.
The issue entirely revolves around the weasel looking Pedro Acosta – who’s DNA can be traced back to the Mustela genus. Acosta is very talented to the point that despite his looks every MotoGP team is desperate to sign him for 2024. Pedro, who is currently a KTM Moto2 rider, has said he wants to be in MotoGP next year on a factory bike but with KTM’s slots already filled the Austrian’s looked likely to lose out on the semi-stoat star.
A new KTM team with factory machinery, however, would nicely solve this headache and no doubt increase KTM’s world standings.
LCR Team
The LCR team is the bottom run of Honda’s MotoGP project. They’re given the worst Honda machinery – which currently is like being forced to consume not just a dog turd – but the most stinking dog turd. Worse still LCR are forced to accommodate at least one terrible rider because the top noodles say so – hence why they’ve had to employ the smooth face of the beansprout-friendly Takaaki Nakagami for so long.
But a move to KTM machinery with Acosta and Marquez would mean Lucio Cecchinello would no longer have to suffer substandard machinery and riders and could, unbelievably, feature near the front of a race.
Marc Marquez
Marc’s reputation, thanks to the heap of steaming bric-à-brac he’s stuck riding, is being eroded away faster than his shoulder calcium.
A move away from Honda to the respectable KTM fold could be the shot-in-the-arm (so to speak) that the hated Spanish rider needs to regain his winning form.
Losers
Lucio Cecchinello
Having hired Cal Crutches and Alex Marquez in the past poor Lucio Cecchinello’s bank balance has been in the red for many years thanks to the increasing cost productions of carbon fibre. But for reasons unknown Takaaki Nakagami has stopped falling off. This hasn’t really affected the Japanese rider’s results as he’s still awful, but the lack of crashes means a far healthier credit rating for Lucio.
That could all come, literally, crashing down with Marc Marquez. The Spaniard is noted for ‘testing the limits’ of any bike he’s riding by hurling it at the grandstands to the cheers of the crowd. But will this cause the team owner to default on his mortgage? Only time will tell.
Honda
Honda haven’t built a decent MotoGP bike for over a decade – instead choosing to channel their resources into stupid little robots and terrible electric cars (and certainly not WSBK). But they successfully winged it (no pun intended…unless you thought it was funny) by hiring Marc Marquez to ride around the ever increasing problems.
However with age comes fragility. Marc’s ability to fall off 30 times in practice and still get back on and win on race day has gone – now even the slightest spill on a paddock scooter seems to result in Marquez snapping his shoulder off or his eye falling out. And enough seems to be enough for the premier Marquez brother.
In a recent interview Alberto Puig stated that Honda’s chances of keeping Marc were likely to fail bigger than his own botched hair transplant. If the Spaniard leaves, and Joan Mir is left in charge, it’s likely HRC’s dreams of not looking shit will be officially over.
Jack Miller
It’s fair to say that Jack Miller’s balloon knot might be twitching at the moment with the prospect of Acosta and Marquez riding the same bike as him. Jack’s proven throughout his MotoGP career that he’s not afraid of being comprehensively beaten by his teammate but has countered this by acting as the ‘loveable fool’ who gives other riders lifts and falls off a lot.
But if two new riders, who are proven race winners and able to count into double figures without supervision, start to beat Miller the ‘humour’ may seem a lot less funny for KTM than it used to. Just like it did at Ducati.
Worst still for Miller was that he, like all Australians, was shouting his mouth off last month calling Marc Marquez a princess for not liking his Honda bike…all from the safety of his vastly superior machine. The Spaniard probably hasn’t forgotten this, despite the numerous crashes on his head, and will be happy to show poor Jack his superior skillset.
Rossi fans
It’s not just the Antipodean ignoramus Jack Miller who’s nipsy might be tense with the news that Marquez may be moving to KTM. These past few years have been a glorious highlight for the bitter yellow crowd all enjoying the crashes, injuries and failures of Marc since his 2020 demise.
Before this, however, the 46-clan would stand united that Marquez will never be the ‘GOAT’ as he’s never won the title with another manufacturer.
If (and it’s a ‘if’ bigger than Uccio’s Y-fronts) Marc can win the title with KTM the yellow crowd would be mortified on two levels. Which would be amusing for the rest of us.