It’s half term folks! A rather pointless and stupidly long break in proceedings designed to compress the rest of the season into a fatigue-inducing run and maximise rider injuries.
So what better time to find out who or what has disappointed us the most so far this season!
Joan Mir
Jorge Lorenzo, Pol Espargaro, Alex Marquez and even Dani Pedrosa – all ex-champions that have had their spirit and vertebrae crushed by the cursed Repsol Honda.
But Joan knew better. He was a MotoGP champion on the Suzuki (or at least according to the Wikipedia page his mother edits) and he knew what it would take to tame the career-sapping beast.
Only he didn’t. Instead poor Joan’s fallen off and landed on his head a lot. He’s had more sick days than a fat person who’s also the union representative.
Mir is last in the full-time rider’s standings on just 5 points – which on average relates to ‘absolutely turd’ at each round.
Disappointment rating: 
Honda
“In space nobody can hear you scream” or so the saying goes. But that would sound positively deafening compared to the lawnmower loving Honda fanboys in the MotoGP Cyberspace. The once smugly vocal pillocks are nowhere to be found choosing instead to push their unwanted Honda propaganda on the F1 crowd conveniently overlooking their lack of chassis building skills.
“When the going gets tough, the Honda fanboys weasel out like filthy slimy cowards”. William Wordsworth 1796
The reason it’s so quiet is because Honda are in a bit of a pickle. They’ve successfully turned their bike that only Marc Marquez could ride into a bike that not even Marc Marquez can ride. And they know it. The Spanish Anti-Christ has all but given up on it choosing to ride around much slower and thus injure him self less when he still falls off.
Currently Honda’s factory Repsol team are bottom of the team’s standings. Impressive.
Disappointment rating:
Enea Bastianini
The only rider that had any chance of slowing down Bagnaia at the end of last season was Enea ‘The Bastard’ Bastianini. However his ‘slowing down’ abilities were slowed down by Ducati after they slowed down his bike. But Enea was still sensational and thus was rightfully upgraded to the Ducati factory team for 2023 replacing Jack Miller who was shuffled off to KTM where he could continuously crash their bike instead.
We all had high hopes for Bastianini now his bike was unrestricted and mafia team orders didn’t apply. We were all desperate to see him cause a complex inter-team ruckus at Ducati and wipe the smile of Bagnaia’s beard.
Indeed such was the hype I almost learnt to spell his stupid name without having to check it on Google.
But those hopes and dreams all came crashing down as Enea came crashing down at the opening race thanks to the penalty immune Luca Marina wanting payback for making him look more-average a couple of years earlier.
The Bastard broke his shoulder or something. An injury that took longer than expected to heal due to him frantically punching his TV screen every time he saw Marini somewhere near the front of a race.
After a long absence eventually the Italian returned but has sadly been off the pace and never looking like having the speed to punch Bagnaia up the bracket.
Disappointment rating:
The racing
Whether you blame Ducati for polluting the grid with their monsters or you blame them for introducing aero the net results are the same – rubbish races.
In the Before Aero Days (BAD…a poor acronym) we, the smug MotoGP viewers, would mock the excitement-deprived F1 fans for watching such dull and long-winded nonsense in the hope that something, eventually, may happen. But the joke’s on us now.
Maybe we’re not quite at the F1 level of monotony but so far this season it’s fair to say we’re heading that way. And Dorna know it.
In a fleeting attempt to make F1 less shit they introduced all manner of stupid gimmicks such as allowing cars to go faster at a certain point on the track if they are close to another car at a different point on the track. Or having to start the race on the same tyres a driver qualified on in the second qualifying session if he made it to the final qualifying session.
And now, with the implementation of MotoGP sprint races, we can see that Dorna is attempting to force the “quantity over quality” model on us and fabricate some false excitement. How long before riders can use mist sprays to cool down their front tyres if they’re close to another rider? Or having to start the race with the same visor tear off they used in FP2?
Disappointment rating:
Inconsistent and ridiculous penalties
I’m far too depressed to even think about this one let alone write about it. But you know the score. If the racing wasn’t bad enough we now have moronic random penalties being randomly dished out to make things worse.
Disappointment rating:
Yamaha
Imagine taking something and spending a great bunch of time and money to make it better and in fact make it worse and utterly disappointing. No, not just the latest Indiana Jones film, but the wonderful world of Yamaha MotoGP.
Most of Yamaha’s MotoGP budget for this season was spent last year successfully trying to trick Fabio Quartararararo into thinking the 2023 bike would be a title contender. They did this by using long words, magnets, one-way mirrored glass and a dog pulling a piece of string. It was only after the Habsburg Dynasty rider foolishly signed on the dotted croissant that Yamaha sheepishly confessed to him that the bike he thought he was getting was just actually a Ducati Panigale V2 painted blue.
Worst still because Yamaha hadn’t looked at their heap since they hurled it in the back of a Transit van in Valencia last year many of the components had corroded badly…or as the Italian bike manufacturers like to call it “weathered in”.
This all meant that this year’s Yamaha is actually slower than last year’s already slow bike. The only thing currently moving at any pace in the Yamaha team is poor Fabio who’s furiously pegging it up and down the Champs-Élysées in search of a competent lawyer able to get him out of his 2024 contract.
Disappointment rating: