Winners
Alex Rins
Last year when Suzuki decided to quit MotoGP to concentrate on improving their Jimny range poor Alex Rins looked like being the biggest victim. Losing his job was bad. But then getting a ride on the notorious human-hating Kalex-Honda looked really bad – especially for a crash-friendly rider that once managed to break his wrist cycling around a racetrack by running into a parked car. The private bone surgeons around the world were rubbing their hands in glee at the prospect of overtime and a new extension.
Rins didn’t get a factory ride either – instead he was dumped into the LCR team and thus runs even more risk than normal of Nakagami somehow crashing into him with something solid.
So the odds of Rins actually surviving in one piece let alone winning a race this year were longer than Iannone’s cosmetics bill. But that’s exactly what he did – by winning the main event. And it wasn’t a fluke either – the curly headed Spaniard finished second in the sprint race too – a race that will probably be remembered as being the most boring sprint race ever…or until at least the next time we visit Austin.
Some have argued that Rins is a specialist at COTA. This may be the case but it needs more than to be a ‘specialist’ to even get his hideous bike anywhere near the front let alone win.
A class act.
Colin Edwards
Remember when the straight-talking Colin ‘the Texan Windbag’ Edwards was on the TV? Those days have sadly gone thanks to Colin’s anti-abortion and pro-massive-guns views. With every big company scared to death of the rainbow loving hooligans it’s too risky to use poor Colin as one slip of the tongue about the trans community and they’d be screaming men in dresses demanding on Twitter that people get fired and the company burnt to the ground and then the ashes pissed on by a unicorn that identifies as a lamppost.
But Alex Rins’ win reminded us of Edwards’ distinctive style of riding – using his massive neck to suspend his head halfway into the infield for balance and to insure there were n ‘poofters’ in the grandstand.
We miss Colin Edwards and his now outdated views.
Cowboys
If you’ve ever had your drive tarmacked by members of the travelling community then you’ll know what you pay for isn’t what you get…unless you specifically ask for shoddy work and personal belongings being stolen.
But they say everything is bigger and better in the US – like waist sizes and leg-loss through diabetes. So the crafty cowboys who laid the tarmac on the COTA track showed us how to scam US style – bigger and better.
The circuit’s a mess. Like your old, dead aunt’s nicotine-stained patchwork quilt the surface of the race track was an embarrassing mixture of various low-grade asphalt seemingly applied by someone who hated their job but needed the cash.
All the riders complained. They all hated it. Dorna listened to all their comments then promptly forgot about them afterwards once the cash arrived.
Crashes
Like crashes? Then this was the race for you. Despite Marc Marquez being at home and thus not able to hospitalise anyone the main race had the single most crashes in a dry race in MotoGP. Nothing to do with the track surface though…
Losers
Alex Marquez
- Sprint race: Sick in helmet causes him to crash
- Main race: Knocked off by a falling Jorge Martin
Not the weekend Alex predicted…given he predicted he had an 80% chance of winning.
Pecco Bagnaia
Whether it’s a Citroen in Ibiza or a Ducati on the track Bagnaia knows how to lose the front end. And he did so again whilst leading the main race. The Italian however claimed it wasn’t his fault.
His crash means Pecco’s already lost 45 points in unforced errors this season.
Enea Bastianini
The weekend must have been tough viewing for the still injured Italian.
First he sees his teammate and title rival throw away more points that he could have capitalised on if not stuck in bed.
Then he sees Luca Marini (the rider that put him out of action but received no penalty because of powerful family members) land a podium.
Us
Check this out:
- Á. Rins
- Marini
- Quartararo
- Viñales
- Oliveira
- Bezzecchi
- Zarco
- Morbidelli
- Di Giannantonio
- Fernández
Has there ever been a less inspiring top ten finish in MotoGP? Looks like we were spoilt in the days of Rossi, Lorenzo, Stoner, Marquez, Pedrosa etc..
Franco Morbidelli
Poor Franco had a good weekend last time out. This led to many lesser, half-baked MotoGP journalists claiming he was back to his best and that he’d be showing his teammate a clean pair of Pradas all season.
Be like we said – form is temporary, slowness is permanent. And we, just looking around our office, know a lack of talent when we see it.
Morbidelli was back to his post-covid default setting of wobbling around at the back as his teammate pushed and claimed podiums. The Italian did manage to finish 8th in the main event…helped only slightly with the nine riders who fell off ahead of him.
Joan Mir
Joan’s struggling on the Repsol Kalex. Once again the Spaniard (who oddly claims to have been once the world champion 🤷♂️) managed to fall off in both races over the weekend. If that wasn’t hard enough to stomach Mir also had the indignity of seeing his former teammate, Alex Rins, claim a victory and second place on the shittier version of the shitty bike he has.
Ouch.
Currently Mir sits 19th in the championship – two points behind his teammate who has only ridden in two races.
The UK
The UK has a lot to be embarrassed about – giving birth to Brexit and James Corden being right up at the top. Come Sunday the ‘embarrassing list’ was added to – with two separate British riders falling off on the warm-up lap.
It’s fair to say Brits know how to crash. Cal Crutchlow was the talisman and font of all knowledge of bent frames in his day. And Sam Lowes has been throwing his bike and body at the scenery for as long as anyone without concussion can remember. Indeed the only way to identify Sam and his also-crash-happy twin brother Alex is by analysing the various scar tissue holding the remains of their skin together.
First up Moto3 backmarker Josh Whatley fell off trying to stay ahead of the pace car on the warm-up lap and was forced to retire after attempting to pick his bike and shame up.
But that was just the warm-up warm-up act – step forward Jake Dixon. Dixon was telling us pre-race about how great his sunglasses were and how he was ready to win the race…and in fairness he was first back to the pits. Jake fell off whilst…err…going around slowly? The furious Englishman stormed back into his pitbox shouting at everyone and everything in a great act of deflection from the fact that he…err…fell off unaided on the warm-up lap.