Double lock the airlock, fuel the thrusters rich and open the viewing platform as I, Randy Mamola Esq, head over to you via Starlink for my all-American big-up.
Now the keen-eyed Americans amongst you will have noticed that I’ve donned the space suit and hitched a ride on Elon’s California rocket to outer space. But why?
Well I was invited to the ISS – which stands for ‘American Space Station’ – to help with their orbital trajectory. You see as part of the ‘make a wish’ scheme many European astronauts have been allowed to visit the ISS – which stands for ‘USA Space Superiority’ – and ended up guiding it on a nervous low-orbit around the inside astra-kerbs.
Thankfully I was able to step into the command module, harness my inner Bobby Ott, and feed full cheese to the rear thrusters. With that I could set a wide arc course, scuffing my outer boot on the Kepler belt Brucie Penhall style.
Furthermore I also advised the shutting down the frankly inconstant solar array and replacing it with a Milwaukee based V-Twin.
I heard on the AT&T Inc grapevine that there were some dirty commies hiding onboard the ISS – which stands for ‘Make America even Greater in Space Again’ – so I came prepared with a freshly baked Apple Pie and a copy of the constitution to send them packing. However it seems Vlad and his comrades, fearing another 1980 Lake Placid defeat, wisely decided to jump aboard their Vostok 1 and scamper off home for lukewarm turnip soup.
Onto the matter of racing. It’s been sad to see the demise of MotoGP – but then what did they expect? I have a saying – expect the unexpected! You can expect me to say expect the unexpected unexpectedly or when you expect me to say it. Expecting the unexpected when unexpected or when you’re un-unexpecting the expected is to say, as you’d expect, that the expected is not unexpected when you expected the expected that was unexpected to be expected now that it’s an unexpected expected.
Where was I? Oh yeah. With MotoGP Euro-League favouring none-ovals and vegan options it was only a matter of time before our boys from California took back the confederate flag and caught the next SR71 Stateside.
“So what’s the new premier series Randy” you ask. The King of the Baggers naturally! Just like the King of Beers! Now I said ‘King of Beers’ meaning Budweiser of course. But said ‘King of Beers’ as a time saver, despite it being longer. I could have also simply said ‘Bud’ – which is the ‘King of Beers’ – the very same shortened version of Budweiser – The King of Beers.
The King of the Baggers is a true American race series designed for us Americans. These finely tuned long stroke v-twins not only look great but also have ample storage for a portable BBQ, coals, Texan steaks, a side order of buffalo wings and a bucket of ranch dressing – everything every American rider needs for an all-day 25 mile ride. Oh yeah and that’s not even mentioning the crate of Bud! Or the King of Beers as I call Budweiser’s to save time.
I personally can not wait for the season to kick off this weekend at the Daytona International Speedway. I maybe on the ISS – which stands for American Armoured Vehicles – but chances are given the USA-styled proportions of the Baggers I’ll be able to see Tyler and the boys doing the stateside proud from up here!
Okay guys it’s time to head down victory lane boulevard for the sweet, sweet Florida spoils. Until next time – “Keep it Stateside!”™
Randy #2