You’ve been kidnapped! You find a phone with only MotoGP people on the contact list. You hear the kidnappers coming back. There’s just time to make one quick call. Who do you choose to rescue you?
Marc Marquez
The octochamp rushes to your aid. He rams 27 cars off the road on his way over, most of them filled with innocent nuns and orphans. Unfortunately the rescue attempt ends in disaster. Marc is trying to pry open a window for you to climb out when suddenly his arm snaps off.
Joan Mir
Carries out an incredible, John Wick style rescue in which he kills all of your kidnappers with a pair of disposable bamboo chopsticks and releases you completely unscathed. Unfortunately, he never gets the credit for it because 30 seconds later the entire world has forgotten all about his heroics and nobody can remember who he is.
Fabio Quartarararo
Afer 17 days in the kidnappers’ mountain hideout, you’re losing all hope of Fabio ever showing up. Suddenly he bursts through the door and kicks all the kidnappers’ asses like Jason Statham. As he’s untying your hands, you ask him why he took so long to arrive. He reveals that he urgently asked Yamaha for the fastest bike available, but they gave him a 3bhp moped and he spent most of this time pushing it uphill.
Dani Pedrosa
He simply walks in through the cat flap and unties you. However, you have to unlock the door yourself as Dani can’t reach the handle.
Gigi Dall’Igna
Your ransom note clearly states that you will only be released in return for $3 million in used banknotes and a fully fueled Gulfstream G650 with a flight plan filed for Cuba. After studying the exact wording of the note, Gigi somehow convinces the kidnappers that technically he is allowed to swap you for a diesel Fiat Punto with 328,000km on the clock, duct tape over the oil pressure warning light and 2 Euros in the ashtray.
Pecco Bananas
Sets off to help but never arrives. Police find his SUV upside down in a ditch. Pecco is later discovered lying outside a nearby strip club, passed out drunk.
Aleix Asparagus
The compassionate Catalan is so moved by your plight that he can’t drive to your rescue because his eyes are flooded with tears. He tries to alert the police but he’s crying so hard that they can’t understand what he’s saying.
Freddie Spencer
He holds the kidnappers at gunpoint while you escape, but lets them go scot-free. He then locks you in his basement for 3 months as punishment for putting the edge of one foot onto the grass as you’re running away to safety.
Max Biaggi
He’s probably the one that kidnapped you in the first place.