We rate every British rider who has ever taken part in MotoGP to mark the fact that there are no Brits in the top category for 2023. That means anyone who rode in the class from the awesome 990cc era, through the 800cc suckfest, the awesome 1000cc era and the current 1000cc aero-squat suckfest.
The most Brits ever to compete in one year was 6 of them in 2004. In 2010, no Brits appeared at all, not that anybody realized as it was the 800cc era and nobody was watching.
So let’s rank them all, starting with the best.
1 – Cal Crutchlow (2011-2022)
The best British rider since Barry Sheene, with the highlight being the time he beat some geezer called Valentino Rossi to win around Philip Island. Also the only one who is equally well qualified to appear on TV shows whose title starts with either “World’s Fastest” or “World’s Gobbiest”. Had a ready excuse for every crash, and boy did he crash! Cal contains so much titanium that his skeleton is technically classed as an airframe. If he were capable of dragging his battered carcase onto a trampoline and bouncing on it, he would need a pilots license to do so.
2 – Jonathan Rea (2012)
The one that got away. With 6 World Superbike championships he is the most successful WSBK rider ever and would’ve been great on a prototype bike. Only got a couple of races wobbling around on a MotoGP Honda, which is a travesty and was largely due to the stupidity of Dorna and HRC.
3 – Jeremy McWilliams (2003-2005)
The Methuselah of motorsport is well known for his technical feedback. Unfortunately this meant he spent much of his time in MotoGP on unrideable half-developed nails like the Aprilia RSV Cube. It was a missile in a straight line, and Jezza flew like a missile when the Cube spat him off about 5 times per weekend. Didn’t seem to trouble him that much, as McWilliams is so hard that nails hammer themselves in when they hear rumours that he’s in the vicinity.
4 – Scott Redding (2014-2018)
Super-quick as a kid, but unfortunately his body grew to Petrucci-esque proportions, so big that the over-stressed MotoGP tyres would explode under him. His gob had also grown to near-Crutchlow proportions, which led to him getting fired by Aprilia and drummed out of MotoGP for giving an honest appraisal of their appalling bike instead of blowing smoke up their backsides like Aleix always did. (Nobody knew that Aleix’s mad strategy would eventually pay off!)
5 – James Toseland (2008-2009)
The double-WSBK champ was bumped up to MotoGP on a Yamaha and had some decent results at first. Things went pear-shaped when a cold rear Bridgestone did its party trick and highsided him into the stratosphere. He landed on his head, and had to complete the next several races while still out cold. (His mechanics carted him around similar to a “Weekend at Bernies” scenario). Luckily nobody noticed as Toseland is actually more charismatic when unconscious than when he’s wide awake.
6 – Shane “Shakey” Byrne (2004-2005)
Cor blimey, guv’nor! It’s Shakey, innit! The fan favourite cockney was another victim of the Aprilia Cube. Also spent time racing for Team KR on a KTM contract until the Roberts team angrily chucked the terrible KTM engine in a skip and Shakey had to go in there too, at least until King Kenny had gone home for the day. Dominated British Superbike until a horrific testing crash snapped his head clean off. Luckily a Lego-loving surgeon re-attached it as a loose push fit, and snapped some new hair on top while he was at it. Shakey was forced to stop racing bikes and start yapping about them on TV instead.
7 – James Ellison (2004-2006,2012)
Won both the European Superstock and World Endurance titles before becoming the kind of journeyman British MotoGP rider that Dorna like to subsidize ‘cos they’re cheap. Looks like a male model, and unfortunately has an IQ to match.
8 – Neil Hodgson (2004)
Luckiest World Superbike champion ever, as his factory Ducati was so good that he only had to cruise around to beat his crashtastic team-mate Ruben “DNF” Xaus. Both of them were moved up to D’Antin Ducati in MotoGP, where they could compete to see whose bike either seized up or spilled oil on its back tyre and highsided them first.
9 – Chaz Davies (2007)
The lanky Welshman is one of the sport’s real gentlemen. He spent years tooling around mid-pack in 250GP with mostly awful teams, but only got a brief run out in MotoGP as a stand-in. Arguably the best rider never to win a WSBK title (like Randy Mamola in GP except he is a foot taller, has hair and can speak in full sentences). His large stack of race wins in the top production class hint at what might’ve been.
10 – James Haydon (2004)
As likeable and enthusiastic as a puppy dog, except that the steaming heaps he left all over the place were destroyed motorcycles. Briefly appeared as a replacement rider in MotoGP, having previously competed in 500GP. Now a TV commentator and analyst.
11 – Michael Laverty (2013-2015)
One of those bike racers who is so intelligent that you wonder how on earth they can be daft enough to race bikes. Had two years with Paul Bird racing, much of which was on a bike they’d built in their shed, and a one-off race the next year for Gresini. His time in the paddock eventually led to him becoming a Moto3 team boss.
12 – Sam Lowes (2017)
Got a year on an Aprilia when they still sucked. Didn’t click with MotoGP at all. However, his impressive habit of crashing his Moto2 bike out of podium positions shows how quick he is.
13 – Jake Dixon (2021)
Did OK as a replacement rider in MotoGP, but still developing as a Moto2 rider in that he’s crashing from higher and higher positions as time goes on.
14 – Leon Camier (2014)
Yet another Brit to get a token run-out in MotoGP without having time to show much of what he can do. Now the boss of the factory Honda team in WSBK.
15 – Alex Lowes (2016)
The other Lowes twin only got a few races in MotoGP. Better known as a WSBK rider.
16 – Chris Burns (2003-2004)
Too much too soon, on bikes that were total nails like the illegal “Which part of the word ‘prototype’ did you struggle with?” Harris WCM. Vanished like Prince Harry’s masculinity.
17 – Bradley Smith (2013-2020)
British MotoGP fans wanted Johnny Rea and they got Bradders instead. That’s like a kid wanting an iPhone 14 Pro Max for Christmas and instead getting a length of string and two empty baked bean cans. Thanks, Dorna Claus.