After his stunning victory in Thailand, there are increasing rumours that Miguel Oliveira is an alien. Not a metaphorical alien like Marc Marquez or Casey Stoner. An actual extra-terrestrial from another planet. In this article, we examine the evidence.
Something doesn’t add up
Oliveira’s performance with KTM in MotoGP has raised a lot of eyebrows. Week in, week out he sucks compared to his brilliant South African team-mate Brad Binder. Yet the Portugee now has 5 MotoGP victories compared to Binder’s 2. What’s that all about?
Invader from another world
Paddock rumours are circulating that that Miguel Random Number Generator is an actual alien from a galaxy far, far away. Let’s weigh up the evidence.
Portuguese
MotoGP riders don’t come from Portugal, and neither does anyone else for that matter. However, this would be the perfect cover for an alien invader. Nobody speaks the language and nobody knows any Portuguese people, so nobody can check up on his story. If Miguel had claimed to be a Catalan like 84% of MotoGP riders are, then his cover would be blown immediately. All of the Catalan riders have known each other from racing since they were about 2 years old.
Random Performance
Miguel’s results aren’t just a tad random, they’re random enough to use in military-grade cryptography. No human being could be that random, we’re generally predictable animals. In order to travel intergalactic distances, Oliveira’s species must have an incredible grasp of randomness and probability. This is the only way they could calculate the quantum mechanics of travelling such distances.
Wet Weather Skills
Yet again in Thailand, Miguel displayed an insane level of talent in tricky, wet conditions. This is almost certainly because his homeworld is one giant ocean without any land at all.
Human relationships
Miguel’s unconventional home life shows that he doesn’t quite understand how human society functions outside Alabama.
Conclusion
There is little doubt that Miguel Oliveira is an alien from another world, and there are strong suspicions that his fellow Portuguese citizens probably are too. It remains to be seen how this will benefit him when riding an Aprilia next year.