Winners
MRNG
Okay so adverse weather does seemingly affect Miguel the Random Number Generator (MRNG) in a positive way. But would we have been surprised if Oliveira would have been rubbish? Would we have raised an eyebrow if he’d have finished outside the points or fallen off? Probably not.
But the unpredictable Portuguese rider rolled a ‘one’ and stormed to an impressive victory in Thailand. It was smiles and sister-kisses all round after the race but were KTM’s grins slightly grimaced knowing that MRNG is leaving at the end of the season?
Jack Miller pep talks
When it comes to having a deep and meaningful conversation Jack’s lower down the list than a pile of retarded geese fungi. But pep talks? That’s something different.
Bagnaia’s balloon knot was twitching the morning of the race. It was due to rain heavily and the Italian’s last wet weather race saw him struggle around uncomfortably like Uccio at a salad bar. But Miller was around to give Pecco a confidence boosting conversation that the Italian himself admitted was significant in his third-place finish.
And here’s the best bit. Miller has no love for Ducati so has no reason to want to see the Bolognaise based team succeed. So his pep talk was based purely on his friendship with his teammate. Fair play.
Ralf Schumarquez
Ralf, the lesser achieving, less-loved brother of Marc, hasn’t really had much to gloat about this year. Before joining MotoGP we were reliably informed that as a racer he was ‘just as fast as Marc but needed a bit longer to find his pace”. Well he’s had three years now and there’s still no sign of it.
Schumarquez’s MotoGP career has been one of starting at the top and rapidly working his way down to the point that the once-factory Honda rider is been booted out of the evil HRC clan altogether at the end of the year.
But in Thailand ol’ Ralfy boy came good starting from the arse-end of the grid and finishing in 8th place. Okay so it wasn’t that good. But for a rider that looks like his brother Marc but with a disappointing texture pack added to his face it was a modest success worth celebrating.
Losers
Credibility
In Thailand Johann Zarco was doing his usual ‘too little too late’ push at the end of the race charging through the field like a Jagdpanther was chasing him down the Champs-Élysées. But after seeing off Marc Marquez the Frenchman came up to the unsightly rear end of Francesco Bagnaia’s Ducati…and his charge suddenly ended.
After the race the croissant loving Primark Ducati rider openly admitted to have been given instructions not to risk a pass on Ducati frontrunner Francesco Bagnaia. Failing to carry out this order would have likely moved him down the pecking order for ‘stupid new aero bits’.
It left a bitter, oniony taste in our mouths knowing that Ducati are issuing team orders to all their riders – all 82 of them (or however many there are these days) to help Bagnaia. It’s not against the rules but that doesn’t mean it’s okay.
Brad Binder fans
The elder and decent Binder brother has a loyal set of fans who waste no opportunity to inform everyone how great the South African is and how he’d be multi-world champion if he was on a better bike. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to know or if it’s a different subject – they’re telling you anyway.
But after Sunday they were noticeably quiet. Binder finished in a distant 10th place but his loyal, moronic fans couldn’t blame the bike as his teammate, Oliveira, had taken the victory. Luckily though they could blame Aleix Asparagus for his clumsy failed passing attempt that pushed Binder wide on the opening lap.
Fairy tale fans
The big cuddly teddy bear that is Danilo Petrucci was making a fairy tale return to MotoGP. It’s hard not to love the Italian – even if he did want to punch that camel that one time in the Dakar rally.
Everything was set for a fairy tale return. Petrucci’s had a tough year riding in America. The racing’s not been too tough but the portion sizes, for a rider that loves his scran, has been a constant temptation. Who knew you could get a side-portion of burger when ordering a Caesar Salad? For a rider that has a blood type of frying oil this was an ever challenging and enticing problem.
Luckily Danilo’s waistline hadn’t expanded too much so to bottom out the suspension, so the Italian was called up to replace Joan Mir at Suzuki for the Thai race.
But the real excitement was the rain. Petrucci’s a brilliant wet weather rider due to the increased contact patch his hefty carcass causes on the tyre deformation. And in Thailand it was going to rain. And hard. This gave excitement that the Italian could ‘do a Bayliss’ and storm to a win in a storm.
Sadly the fairy tale ended nearly as badly as the little kid who wrote to Jimmy Saville asking for him to ‘fix it’ to meet Michael Jackson. Petrucci didn’t win. Or nearly win. Or nearly even score a point.
In the end it was probably just a well-executed publicity stunt by Suzuki to choose a popular rider instead of the countless unknown Japanese riders who are rewarded for ‘all their hard work’ by being shown how hopelessly off the pace they really are.
Fabio Quartararo
It’s been a bad few races recently for the likeable yet French Fabio – scoring just 19 points out of a possible 100 in the last four rounds. That’s half the points of Maverick ‘what will he be like today?’ Vinales.
In Thailand the Yamaha rider’s results fell off quicker than a ladyboy’s tackle. Starting from the second row Quartararararararo had no pace…which was soon made very apparent when he was overtaken by Franco ‘no pace’ Morbidelli on the ill-sister Yamaha. He ended the race outside the points whilst his rival Bagnaia finished on the podium.
Fabio now leads the championship by just two points – a number even smaller than the number of pages in the French war-heroes pamphlet.