How can Stewards Panel decisions in MotoGP be made more sensible and consistent? We evaluate the best ideas for improving the system that dishes out penalties.
The Problem
Lately there has been huge criticism of the Stewards Panel decisions when it comes to awarding penalties for on-track conduct. For instance, Fabio Quartararararo is outraged that he was penalized for doing a Taka Nakagami on Aleix Asparagus, while the actual Taka never gets penalized for constantly ramming Alex Rins.
Not only are the decisions crazy, but there is very little explanation of the reasoning behind them.
Possible Solutions
Here we present some of the leading suggestions, each of which would lead to a vastly more consistent and understandable system of rider penalties than the current Stewards Panel.
Magic 8 Ball
Invented in 1950, the magic 8 ball has provided decisions to generations of people when they were in doubt about something.
Pro: Hiring a Stewards Panel and flying them to 20 exotic destinations per year must cost a fortune. However, getting some nutter to 3D-print a custom magic 8 ball that said stuff like “Double Long Lap”, “Start From Pit Lane” and “Blame Jack Miller” would probably cost $150 tops, and it should last for years.
Con: MotoGP is too high-tech already with its stupid wings and pole-squat devices. Adding yet another fancy piece of technology might be a step too far.
Chicken Bones
Beloved by fans of voodoo, chicken bones are a great way of divining the future and making decisions.
Pro: Would annoy vegans.
Con: A qualified witch doctor would be required to attend all races, and it would be very hard to tell whether he was lying about what the chicken bones were actually telling him. Especially when he started riding a brand new Ducati all of a sudden.
Bingo
Popular with old codgers and lardbuckets who wish to mindlessly gamble away their money, Bingo uses a system of numbered balls to generate random numbers.
Pro: Since current MotoGP penalties already bear no resemblance to what happens on track, it would be easier to simply choose a rider’s number and award them a long lap penalty for no reason whatsoever.
Con: Almost as arbitrary as the current system.
Wheel of Fortune
A wheel with various punishments would be spun, and whichever segment the pointer lands on is the punishment meted out to the miscreant.
Pro: Would add a bit of gameshow excitement to the usually boring Stewards Panel punishment process.
Con: Disciplinary actions should probably be a bit less tacky than this.
Star Trek Movies
There were 6 Star Trek movies of varying quality starring the original cast led by William Shatner. This matches the random number that can be generated by 6-sided dice.
Pro: It would be simple to associate a penalty with the number of each Star Trek movie. The excellent “Star Trek 2 – The Wrath of Khan” would lead to no penalty being awarded, while the awful “Star Trek 5 – The Final Frontier” would lead to a 3-race ban.
Con: Trekkies are almost as dangerously insane as Valentino Rossi fans, so involving them in MotoGP may be a serious mistake.
Conclusion
Something has to be done to make MotoGP’s penalty system more regular and transparent. Clearly the answer lies in one of the above suggestions.