Winners
Enea Bastianini
Last season after some poor qualifying and great races everyone said “oh if only Bastianini could start the race higher up the grid then he’d be a race winner”. Obviously no one actually believed this – it was just something to say to try to look educated.
Well everyone was correct…and thus incorrect.
Enea, whose name is one vowel short of being a great opening Wordle word, started the Qatar race from the front row and settled into the lead group immediately.
From there he simply one-by-one took his rivals before making his way to the front. It was actually very calm but utterly nerve wracking at the same time.
A great tribute to the great Fausto Gresini.
Brad Binder
Last season Brad, just like Bastianini, was an excellent example of a rider that can only be arsed putting in the effort one day a week. And he’s not even Mexican. The decent-Binder brother tried a little harder this weekend by qualifying in 7th place but left it until Sunday before actually trying his hardest.
When the lights turned green Brad shot away faster than Oscar Pistorius gaining four places behind the two Repsol Hondas.
By the end of the race Brad and his award-winning teeth were in second place – on a track that KTM have historically and hysterically struggled on.
Pol Espargaro
The junior asparagus brother had a terrible season last year. The Honda was developed purely with Marc Marquez in mind as HRC confidently believed that the world champion was unbreakable and the only rider they realistically needed to obtain the evil glories.
That, literally, came crashing to the ground after Marc fell off back in the days of 2020 when lockdown was a ‘bit of a novelty’. After that Marquez would find himself picking up more and more injuries as he flushed the toilet. With his eye falling out at the end of last year it became obvious that Marc’s indestructible qualities were looking shakier than a shitting dog.
So Honda, after throwing a few folk in the Tokyo harbour, put down their discipline noodles and built a more user friendly bike. One that gives the rider some feedback before launching its occupying into the stones.
This is what Pol wanted. And needed. For the first time ever the baby asparagus looked comfortable on the Repsol Honda and in the race was comfortably faster than Marquez landing a podium for his efforts. A great weekend…
Losers
Pol Espargaro
…Well not that great. Pol’s result looked good on paper but a bit rubbish on the TV screen. The Spaniard was leading the race comfortably until Enea ’the bastard’ Bastianini fought his way to second and started gaining on him. Then the asparagus came off the boil.
Within four laps Bastianini had caught Pol and used the trademark Ducati hyperspace button to tear past Espargaro sucking half his sponsorship logos off his leathers as he did so. Having lost the lead for the first time nearly all race the evil Repsol Honda rider needed to respond…
…and he did that by running wide and letting Brad Binder through into second. A position the South African stayed in.
Ducati
Pre-season it was all smiles and vermicelli at Ducati. The Italian team had millions of bikes on the grid and the factory teams were looking like they were the team to beat. And they were beaten. And on a track they famously go well on.
They may have won the race with Bastianini – but his team is the fourth-rank Ducati team. Even the guy at the factory who cleans up the spilt bolognaise sauce after an over enthusiastically arm waving session has a better spec Ducati.
Here’s how the none-Bastianini got on:
- Jack Miller: Retired after realising there was no kid’s menu at the canteen
- Francesco Bagnaia: Fell off trying to pass Jorge Martin
- Jorge Martin: Knocked off by a falling off Bagnaia
- Johann Zarco: Took 15 laps before the coq-au-vin settled and he started trying
- Marco Bezzecchi: Fell off
- Luca Marini: Was even worse than the livery
- Fabio Di Giannantonio: Struggled
Suzuki
Everyone, including Suzuki themselves, were shocked with how fast their bike was. Rins and Mir had been fastest in the speed traps, over one lap and simulated race distances all weekend.
It fell apart slightly in qualifying when some gusty winds caused them to slow down in fear of itchy sand in their eye.
But race day was to be different. Both riders were set to steam through the field on their now-fast always-sweet handling bike.
Only they didn’t. Rins and Mir finished a respectable-but-hardly-amazing 6th and 7th. And no one knows why. A disappointing weekend that started expecting nothing, then expecting everything and getting something small.
Yamaha
What happens when you focus all your time on devising a new blue and black colour-scheme that’s even duller than before? You forget to develop the engine.
Yamaha’s ‘lovely to ride except in a straight line’ bike was painfully slow down the straight at Qatar. World champion Quartarararo was constantly the slowest rider through the speed traps and could only manage 9th. This on the track Yam won twice on last season.
It could a long and upsetting season for Yamaha