With the season done the MotoGP boys were forced to hang around Spain for an extra week to perform a contractually binding but relatively pointless two-day test at Jerez. This, possibly, was the least enthusiastic performance by a human collection since Coldplay last performed live.
1. Franceso Bagnaia Ducati 1’36.872
Via the ghost of Valentino Rossi
“I used my ESP skills to guide Bagnaia into riding faster like I would have. Needs quite a few more stickers though.”
2. Fabio Quartararo Yamaha 1’37.324 (+0.452)
Via Alain Prost
“2022 will be a critical year for fellow-Frenchie Fabio as already it looks like he will be unfairly hampered by not having superior equipment. If my career has taught the French anything then it’s to use this time wisely to get a watertight contract with Ducati sealed for 2023 with assurances that his teammates are on inferior spec bikes.”
3. Alex Rins Suzuki 1’37.423 (+0.551)
“I’m pleased with the performance gains Suzuki has made which means I expect to fall off even faster in 2022”
4 Pol Espargaro Honda 1’37.496 (+0.624)
“I don’t trust this thing. And I wouldn’t trust the guy responsible for designing it to raise sea monkeys.”
5 Maverick Vinales Aprilia 1’37.622 (+0.750)
“‘Fast in testing Mav’ hits a homerun again. Who’s laughing now Jarvis?”
6 Joan Mir Suzuki 1’37.634 (+0.762)
“World championships are infinitely better than winning races or doing reasonably well in testing.”
7 Takaaki Nakagami Honda 1’37.672 (+0.800)
“Just checked my passport and it still says Japan and still has the noodle stain on page 4. I think that guarantees another strong season in 2022 regardless of the bike.”
8 Enea Bastianini Ducati 1’37.698 (+0.826)
“I set my fastest time on the final lap when Ducati said it was time to go home.”
9 Jack Miller Ducati 1’37.717 (+0.845)
“Win the hearts of the pundits and fans Jack with crazy antics…that’s all you need to do and no one will notice the results”
10 Alex Marquez Honda 1’37.760 (+0.888)
“A strange man from Honda in a dark suit has just told me if Marc is out then I am too.”
11 Brad Binder KTM 1’37.942 (+1.070)
“It’s been a long and tiring season. Now testing is finished I’m looking forward to finally returning home and having my newly won trophies stolen.”
12 Luca Marini Ducati 1’38.025 (+1.153)
“Suddenly I feel so alone”
13 Andrea Dovizioso Yamaha 1’38.029 (+1.157)
“Can I use Vale’s stairlift now?”
14 Miguel Oliveira KTM 1’38.085 (+1.213)
“This new KTM is a step in the right direction but we still need more as my sister claims my performances on track this year sadly matched them off track.”
15 Franco Morbidelli Yamaha 1’38.100 (+1.228)
“I’ve noticed on boring testing days my knee injury often flares up. Not sure why. But it means I can’t do much work.”
16 Aleix Espargaro Aprilia 1’38.149 (+1.277)
“I couldn’t be bothered after Silverstone, so I sure as hell wasn’t going to bust a gut today. Let Mav have his moment.”
17 Johann Zarco Ducati 1’38.160 (+1.288)
“Could be time to start crying again and acting like a limp noodle in a burning shoe.”
18 Jorge Martin Ducati 1’38.435 (+1.563)
“Nothing screams ‘The Martinator’ like the 18th fastest time and slowest Ducati rider. That’s a ‘rookie of the year’ performance.”
19 Fabio di Giannantonio Ducati 1’38.528 (+1.656)
Via MotoGPNews
“Who?”
20 Raul Fernandez KTM 1’38.691 (+1.819)
“I think that shows Remi who the faster rider is. Not that I have anything against the way he cheated his way to the Moto2 title.”
21 Lorenzo Savadori Aprilia 1’38.724 (+1.852)
“60 laps sure earns me a wildcard race?”
22 Remy Gardner KTM 1’38.728 (+1.856)
“My dad says I’m cool”
23 Sylvain Guintoli Suzuki 1’39.040 (+2.168)
“This was quite a busy test schedule between looking after 14 kids, trying for a 15th, developing the 8 hour bike, braising the cock in wine, punditry work for two separate companies and listening to the Edith Piaf podcast.”
24 Dani Pedrosa KTM 1’39.185 (+2.313)
Via Bradley Smith
“Not so many folk praising Pedrosa for his excellent development skills this year were they?”
25 Marco Bezzecchi Ducati 1’39.312 (+2.440)
“Actually Jorge I think you’ll find I was the slowest Ducati rider.”
26 Darryn Binder Yamaha 1’39.941 (+3.069)
“I think that silenced a few critics”