Well, it’s all over, folks! Britney Spears has been released from her conservatorship, largely thanks to the tireless campaigning of MGPN readers. In other news, the MotoGP season ended at Valencia. How did the riders rate? Let’s find out!
Top ten riders rated out of ten:
Pecco Bananas – 10 out of 10
Started the season as a crash-happy nutter, finished it as someone who couldn’t lose a race if he tried. Absolutely brilliant stuff from the Italian.
Jorge Martin – 9 out of 10
Finishing 2nd was an incredible result for the satellite Ducati rider as he had spent the whole of Saturday night throwing up. Apparently he lost the TV remote just as Piers Morgan appeared on the screen, so he was forced to kung-fu kick the TV set into oblivion. Unfortunately, even Mother Theresa couldn’t last 15 seconds watching Morgan’s fat, smug, punchable face without spending at least 15 hours projectile vomiting, so the young Spaniard didn’t stand a chance.
Jackass Miller – 8 out of 10
Far more impressive when he’s not trying to be a tail gunner for his rather more talented Italian team-mate.
Joan Mir – 9 out of 10
Brought a Suzuki to a Ducati fight.
Fabio Quartarararararo – 8 out of 10
The Yamaha really sucks this year, but Fabio won the title anyway thanks to his outrageous talent. A middling result at Valencia for history’s greatest French MotoGP rider, but in the old days people who’d wrapped up the title didn’t even bother to show up at the last few rounds, so 5th was a decent result.
Johann Zarco – 7 out of 10
Started the season brilliantly, ended it as one of the slowest Ducati riders who’s not either on an ancient bike or related to Valentino Rossi. Just goes to prove that the French are unpredictable lunatics.
Brad Binder – 7 out of 10
Top KTM finisher for the millionth time this year.
Enea Bastianini – 7 out of 10
Very good, but the Ducati bikes kicked so much ass this weekend it’s hard to tell whether he should’ve done better on his clapped-out old 2019 model machine.
Aleix Asparagus – 6 out of 10
Unspectacular, but respectable.
Valentino Rossi – 7 out of 10
Finishing top ten was a great result for the old geezer in his last ever MotoGP race.
Selected other riders:
Nobody worthy of note.
If you haven’t taken part in our big Valentino Rossi retirement poll yet, make sure you do it now!