Winners
Fabio Quartarararo
A likable Frenchman who’s skilled and brave? The world’s gone mad. What’s next? A generous Scotsman who doesn’t continuously list reasons why his inferior country isn’t actually inferior?
Once again Fabio Quartarararo was on it looking much more like a world champion than whoever won it last year. And once again he used his calm tactic of sitting back to avoid Marc Marquez trying knock off Aleix Asparagus in the opening corners before slowly working his way to the front…and then into the distance like a Panzerkampfwagen was spotted on the horizon.
Aleix Asparagus
The elder of the Asparagus brothers started the weekend claiming he was one of the top three riders in MotoGP (or top four if Bradley Smith wildcards). This raised a few eyebrows causing him to backtrack slightly claiming he was misquoted and what he meant was top three riders MotoGP in his household or something.
But with these big words he needed a big weekend. And he delivered.
It’s often been a dark path for Aleix to get Aprilia to where they are now – usually because Aprilia can’t afford real lightbulbs for their factory so instead use shiny objects gathered by modestly trained magpies. But Asparagus Senior has worked tirelessly with Aprilia on a bike that for over 95% of its existence has been an utter nail. Despite this he’s stuck with the project and helped to create what is now a monstrous and angry looking MotoGP machine. It’s also quite good.
At Silverstone he scored Aprilia’s first ever podium – even with a last lap punch-up with Jack Miller. And it wasn’t luck either. He and Aprilia have worked hard to deserved this result.
We’d like to think everyone is happy for Aleix. Even the yellow fans who still hate him for once briefly holding up Rossi in 2016 at the San Marino GP in FP2 (true fact).
Romano Fenati
Moto3 is known for being close. Usually in practice, qualifying and the race the top ten, or entire field, can be covered by the distance of gnat’s cock hair. So for any rider to distinctly dominate all weekend is unheard of…until now.
Likable bad boy Romano started the weekend by being 0.66seconds faster than anyone else in free practice 1. Bizarre. From there he was fastest in FP2, FP3 and qualified on pole. It was like this time Fenati had pulled the brake levers of the entire field.
Fenati’s team manager Max Biaggi was clearly over the moon with his results even raising a smile whilst discussing hair replacement therapy (HRT) with Alberto Puig.
Come race day and it was never really in doubt. Niccolò Antonelli kept the mischievous Italian honest for the first two thirds of the race until Romano decided he’d had enough and simple cruised away to the chequered flag.
It’s been an amazing comeback from the rider who was booted out of GP racing in 2018 and forced to work for his mother mixing waffles.
We love Romano Fenati. Not really because of his antics on or off the track – but because ‘he’s lived the dream’ by being kicked out of the VR academy for punching Uccio whilst he was shovelling fried chicken down his pie-hole. Something we’ve all dreamt of doing.
Losers
Marc Marquez
Marquez is known for his ‘aggressive’ manoeuvres. Especially in the opening laps. This season though, Prior to this race, his moves have been on the very edge of legality causing the yellow fans to scream Spanish favouritism.
But at Silverstone the line was crossed and Jorge Martin found himself the hapless victim. Marquez was overtaken by Martin in a hard-but-fair move on the opening lap that seemed to trigger a batch of red mist in front of Marc’s eyes. A few corners later Honda’s anti-Christ attempted to repay the compliment by knocking them both off and into the gravel.
It wasn’t clumsy. It was just stupid and purposeful.
Michelin
Everyone makes mistakes. Like the Royal Family with Prince Andrew for example. But this year MotoGP riders have been complaining that Michelin are producing randomly duff tyres that simply fall to pieces like Uccio’s highchair.
There were many victims this weekend but no more than Pecco Bagnaia who suddenly found he had a duff tyre and went to the back almost like he was somehow in Rossi’s tow this time.
Jake Dixon
Despite much mocking from lesser websites Jake, as we predicted, didn’t do too bad at all on his MotoGP debut for Yamaha. The Englishman went about learning the new bike in a well-structured and competent manner. Come Saturday Dixon was even starting to mix it with Rossi’s mongrel brother Luca Marini – another rider that doesn’t deserve to be in MotoGP.
Better still Yamaha were actually pleased with Jake’s efforts.
So why a loser? Come race day Jake’s bike was sadly fitted with one of Michelin’s ‘duff’ tyres. It was his big chance to shine and instead he struggled badly because some work experience peasant in Clermont-Ferrand had discarded his half-eaten croissant into the tyre mix.
Silverstone spectators
Before the race the British media were feverishly banging on that everyone should come to Silverstone to witness Valentino Rossi’s final race in the UK. They spoke knowingly of there being probably chance that the Italian rider could land his 200th podium. Really? And was he also going to orchestrate a fight between and alien and a dinosaur?
After spending all of FP1, FP2, FP3 and qualifying being contractually towed around by Pecco Bagnaia Rossi’s pace actually looked artificially good with the Yamaha rider securing his first top ten qualifying position in longer than I can be bothered Googling.
But come race day it was sadly business as usual. Valentino started strongly but by the time the chequered flag was out he was only ahead of new boy Jake Dixon…and behind the retired part-cyborg Cal Crutchlow.
So it wasn’t the send off the media had promised the crowd. But at least they got to see their hero one more time…very clearly.
F1 spectators
But at least the fans at Silverstone saw some action. Spare a thought for the drenched fans who, for reasons possibly out of their control, found themselves stuck watching the F1 parade at Spa Francorchamps.
Heavy rain delayed the start of the race with the organisers claiming the spray was too dangerous and may cause costly tarnishing to Lewis Hamilton’s blood diamond earrings that he bought on the cheap whilst telling us to be better people. The delays kept on coming until three hours after the race was due to start the cars finally too to the track.
The hyperthermia-riddled fans could finally set aside their trench foot fears and watch some action and hopefully some expensive crashes. Or not. The F1 cars completed 2 laps following the pace car before returning to the pits to collect their trophies.
Why? Well the FIA had been reading the rulebook and realised that a 2 lap race technically is a ‘race’ and so the fans were now not eligible for a refund.
“Money – The spirit of F1”