With Australia off the MotoGP calendar, Austria was roped in to substitute. How did the riders cope with the loss of a syllable? We rate them to find out.
Top ten riders rated out of ten:
Brad Binder – 10 out of 10
A stunning performance. Now, nobody ever said that South Africans were lacking in balls (Nobody ever asked them for help with the Times crossword either, of course) but Binder’s display of total lunacy was richly rewarded with a MotoGP race victory. When it started raining, everyone with two brain cells to rub together immediately pitted for wet tyres. Binder decided it would be a better idea to stay out in the wet on a 300bhp motorcycle that had cold slick tyres with as much grip as a greased ferret on an ice rink and stone cold carbon brakes that may as well have been made of cheese. Complete nutcase. Thoroughly deserves to shoot and barbecue several endangered animals when he gets home.
Pecco Bananas – 9 out of 10
Was quick all weekend, but it just wasn’t really coming together until it started raining. Overtook about half a dozen riders in three corners on the last lap thanks to his wet tyres and saved the factory Ducati team’s blushes by narrowly beating Martin on the Primark Duke.
Jorge Martin – 9 out of 10
Known as the Kelvinator due to his ice-cold nerves. Quick in the dry, but looked to be in big trouble when the rain fell. Then he followed Pecco through the field to grab a well deserved podium.
Joan Mir – 8 out of 10
Continues to rack up points in a mildly impressive but boring way now that the Suzook has its pole-squat device.
Luca Marini – 8 out of 10
Stayed out on slicks in the rain and beat his much more famous, talented and ancient half-brother Valentino.
Iker Lecuona – 8 out of 10
Tech 3 KTM might have refused to renew his contract for next year, but the young Spaniard made up for his unpronounceable name by staying out on slicks and taking an excellent 6th place. Has to keep up this level of performance if he wants to grab one of those Yamaha seats and stay in MotoGP next year.
Fabio Quartararararo – 7 out of 10
On days like this the fab frog just has to keep scoring points, and that’s exactly what he did. Brilliant in the dry and salvaged a respectable 7th place in the wet to extend his championship lead.
Valentino Rossi – 7 out of 10
Finally we saw a glimpse of the old Vale. The yellow hordes were ranting and drooling even more than usual when he ran as high as 3rd place before dropping to 8th by the flag.
Alex Marquez – 6 out of 10
The fact that baby Marquez was top Honda in 9th place shows how much the evil Japanese bike sucks without a fully functional Marc Marquez on board.
Aleix Asparagus – 6 out of 10
Battled valiantly on slick tyres in the rain, but was distracted by the thought of having the raving lunatic Maverick Vinales as his team mate in Aprilia next year.
Selected other riders:
Jackass Miller – 5 out of 10
Both Binder and Miller took gambles in this race. Binder by staying out on slicks, and Jackass by pitting early for wet tyres. If the rain had come down a few minutes earlier, the Aussie would probably have won the race instead of finishing 11th. But it didn’t. So he didn’t.
Marc Marquez – 7 out of 10
15th place was a mediocre result for a great performance. Stunning in the dry and the semi-wet but his mangled arm stopped him saving a big moment. He tipped off the bike and lost a potential podium place, destroying about $30,000 worth of #93 branded carbon fibre fairing in the process (much to the delight of the yellowmongering #46 fans). It’s probably for the best that he crashed because if he’d stayed with the leading wet-tyre group he would’ve had to overtake 6 riders on the last lap, and on previous form he probably would’ve hit at least 5 of them.
Maverick Vinales – 6 out of 10
Missing from this round after being suspended. However, the exciting race meant that nobody was talking about him, so his reputation didn’t sink any lower. Won’t be at the next round either because Yamaha would rather have a couple of British riders in the British GP (which will be televised live on a free channel in the UK) instead of some random Spanish lunatic who’s defecting to Aprilia at the end of the year anyway.