The MotoGP circus zipped over to Barcelona and gave us more bare-chested action than a 1970s Pirelli calendar. How did the riders do at the home of Manuel from Fawlty Towers? We bring you the rider ratings.
Top ten riders rated out of ten:
Miguel Olivera – 10 out of 10
MotoGP’s first ever Portuguese star had a 100% perfect race, as befitting his status as one of the only riders on the grid with a triple-digit IQ.
Johann Zarco – 9 out of 10
Formerly the moodiest rider on the grid, now he’s chilled out, consistent and a real title contender. Seems to have buried his moodiness like Frenchmen bury the good wine when they’re being invaded. Finished top Ducati again.
Jack Miller – 8 out of 10
Promoted to the podium after Quartararo’s penalties. Another solid race from the Aussie, and one of the rare occasions where he benefited from being smarter than another rider. Even Jackass knows to keep his leathers zipped, even though his mouth rarely is.
Joan Mir – 8 out of 10
Similar to last year, he’s consistently racking up points with unspectacular results. Still, that’s better than decorating the gravel traps of Europe with Suzuki-branded carbon fibre like his team mate keeps doing.
Maverick Vinales – 7 out of 10
Finishing 5th is unusual for Top Gun. He’s usually either 1st or 10th. A strangely average result.
Fabio Quartarararo – 7 out of 10
Made a real tit of himself when he boobed by letting his leathers unzip. The only real question is whether he should’ve received a black flag ordering him back to the pits, or a black and orange flag ordering him to stop immediately.
Pecco Bananas – 6 out of 10
Worst of the top 3 Ducati riders. Seems to have inherited Zarco’s moody randomness.
Brad Binder – 6 out of 10
Finished just 8 seconds adrift of his team-mate, but that put him in 8th place. A lucky number if you’re Chinese, but not so good when your main rival has won the race.
Frankie Morbidelli – 6 out of 10
Dragged his ancient motorcycle around to a fairly mediocre result.
Enea Bastianini – 7 out of 10
Getting into the top ten and finished top rookie is a solid result in a year when rookies are struggling to get to grips with the new bikes and tyres.
Selected other riders:
Valentino Rossi – 4 out of 10
His brain has already retired from racing. This is good as it means Uccio is rarely seen on screen.
Marc Marquez – 5 out of 10
In past years he used to almost crash then somehow not crash. This year he starts to crash, then continues to crash, then he has crashed.
Alex Rins – 1 out of 10
Spiced up his long line of boring DNF results with a snazzy DNS. Gets a point for showing up at the track before immediately hurting himself.
Lorenzo Savadori – 0.5 out of 1.0
Crossing the line 40 seconds behind the leader, he isn’t making much progress this year.
Stewards Panel – 1 out of 10
Fast Freddie and pals have made some ludicrous decisions this year, but this was a real low point. Quartarararo was punished with a pair of 3-second penalties. One of them for running wide and crossing track limits, even though he lost 7 tenths by doing so. What’s the point of penalizing people for track limits violations when they’ve lost time? The other 3 seconds were added for riding without his full safety equipment. It’s one thing riding a scooter at 25mph in a t-shirt and risking some nasty road rash. It’s another thing riding a 220mph motorcycle with leathers unzipped and risking getting your nipples ground down to the bone and leaving a 300 metre long line of skin and entrails smeared down the track. But apparently that’s equivalent to running 6 inches wide in a corner. Debate is rageing as to which planet the stewards come from, and did they arrive in a flying saucer or inside a meteorite?