An exciting yet utterly pathetic spat-triangle square has kicked off between Jorge Lorenzo, Jack Miller and Cal Crutchlow.
The story dates back to last year when skive-at-home legend Jorge Lorenzo became deeply jealous that Yamaha had dropped him as their test rider and replaced him with the carbon-twisting demi-android Cal Crutchlow. The sulking Spaniard took to Twitter to mock Crutchlow stating he was a better choice as he had more world titles, wins and appearances on TV in wearing a stupid mask. Lorenzo compared the move by Yamaha as ‘exchanging gold for bronze’.
Crutchlow hit back, again via Twitter, claiming Lorenzo was ‘bored at home’.
Throughout this Yamaha, thankfully, stayed out of the feeble squabble ignoring Lorenzo’s taunts. This was probably made a hell-of-lot easier given that the one time Jorge was asked to test the Yamaha MotoGP bike he turned up late, was fat and could only manage a lap-time that was 4 seconds slower than Tito Rabat on a road bike he’d borrowed off his mate.
Back to the present day and as testing begun this weekend in Qatar Cal Crutchlow was out on Yamaha and predictably ended up falling off and giving crucial data to the technicians on the complexities of removing debris out of a crank case. A photo of Crutchlow at home in the gravel was posted onthe social media platform Instagram by the official MotoGP account.
Spotting on this Lorenzo was keen to twist the knife. The friendless ex-rider once again chose social media to bravely convey his sarcastic words as it’s a ‘social-distancing friendly method of communication’ and definitely not because it’s easy to be a hard-guy sat at home behind a keyboard thousands of miles away.
As Crutchlow was occupied en-route to his annual reunite with his friends in A&E fellow gravel-hermit Jack ‘Jackass’ Miller replied to Jorge’s jeers using his specially designed keyboard* to defend the Englishman’s honour.
Lorenzo hit back mocking Miller’s lack of race wins.
But wait…that’s not all!
In the time it took to cobble together this poorly written article fellow Spaniard Aleix Espargaro (who like a majority of the known universe hates Lorenzo) steamed into the debate supporting Cal and claiming it’s better to be a ‘good human’.
Witty Jorge, egged on by his newly assembled army of friends that he made in 2020 out of pipe-cleaners and used toilet rolls, hit back twice – the second time ridiculing Aleix’s lack of race wins whilst praising his manager.
All this off-track keyboard battling meanwhile successfully moved attention away from Valentino ‘the Dentist’ Rossi who adapted to his new team with Bradley Smith levels of performance finishing over a second behind his teammate and the slowest Yamaha rider.
*Keyboard is in alphabetical order with pictures of various kangaroos to help aid input.